So, in light of these situations, many parents are faced with the problem of how to manage their own child. How do you stop the dangerous behavior and help them to do the right thing? And often times, in times of desperation, the decision goes to whether or not to call the police on your own child. The thought is, maybe the police will scare them straight. Maybe dealing with the legal system and court system will make the child realize their actions have consequences and that this behavior is to be taken seriously. Maybe some time in a juvenile detention center or with a probation officer will be just what the child needs to make better decisions.

But does this work?

It is my personal opinion that, no, it does not work. And not only does it not work, it can have the opposite effect of what you thought it would do. You have now made your child into a criminal.

You have criminalized you own own child.

Now, I’m sure there are a lot of people that would disagree with me on this. And if you have a story that shows otherwise I would love to hear it. However, in my first marriage I was married to what the court systems consider as an adult to be a career criminal. He was raised in an incredibly dysfunctional and antisocial (i.e. engaging in behavior that goes against the norms of society) family and had a heavy drug problem starting at the age of about 13.  By 14 he was engaged in antisocial behavior that had him in and out of the court system, juvenile detention centers, boys camps, etc. for all of his teen years. By 18 he was in a prison diversion program that he stayed in until about 22 years old. And the story goes on and on through adulthood.

Did his involvement with the law as a teen scare him straight? No.

He used to tell me, the only thing going to juvenile detention centers or boys camps or whatever does for a teen boy is normalize antisocial behavior for them and make that the world they know. Not only does it not scare them straight, it desensitizes them to criminal or drug behavior and that becomes their new norm. And once your child has a probation office or is involved in the system, what are the chances that families whose kids are doing the right thing and have never had any contact with the court systems are going to want your child at their house? Or have their kids be friends with your kid? Pretty low. It would be the exception. So as a kid your are now steered even more to the wrong kids because those are the kids and the kids families that will accept those situations.

Now I’m not saying this is always the case. And I’m not saying the if your child is doing something horrible or endangering him or herself or your family to a grave degree that you should not protect yourself or your other children. Of course you should. But what I am saying is that one should think twice about the long term effects of calling the police on your child. Or having the child involved in the court system. And think about what that does to the child’s self esteem and self image. The child now sees him or herself as a criminal and knows that you also see them as a criminal.  That is hard to overcome.  Especially for kids already struggling with bipolar.  It’s now just one more thing for them to deal with and overcome.

Does this experience and self image help create a healthy adult?

It’s something to consider.

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. ~ Jesus Christ