If I had to look back on our past month or so, I would say learning outside the classroom has been our focus.  Learning about the world around us and learning about ourselves.  I mean, yes, we have been doing daily math lessons, we have been watching educational movies involving pieces of American History (some of which have been great), we have been playing the word game and building our vocabularies, we have been reading and writing a bit and are back on track with the tutor.  But really, we’ve been exploring.

As you know, we spent many weeks in the past month + at the beach.  As it turned out, this was a great lesson not only in nature but also in one of my favorite lessons of all time…only boring people get bored.

Why do I say this?  Well, there isn’t technically much to do at the beach we go to as far as traditional entertainment.  As a result I was asked many times, what is there to do here?

My answer?  I don’t know, you tell me.

At one point Rye’s friend asked me out on the beach, so what kind of beach toys or games did you bring? What do we have to play with?

My answer?  Well, we brought you, silly.  And your imagination.  And you have all of the outdoors to work with.  Show us what you’ve got.

A novel thought.

And you know what?  They made it work.  They made up games.  They had fun.  Rye sank into the slow pace at the beach even when his friend was not there and managed to enjoy himself.  We found things to do.  And again, we had fun.  And for a kid who has never been good at self entertaining, this was a major accomplishment.

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This past week since coming home we’ve had more of a cultural exploration.

We visited a museum and learned about Modern Art.  We saw a play, Cats [the musical].  And really, it’s been nice.  One of the things I notice the most these days, Rye is growing up.  He is maturing.  None of us were overly crazy about Cats and yet he sat through the whole thing with no issue.  He never once complained.  He simply commented, when appropriate, about what he thought of the show.  Just as we all did (it was all adults and Rye).  And most of it was constructive criticism. And in the end, we were all glad we saw it.

As Rye progresses this year into eighth grade, our focus in learning will shift.  We will add a dimension and go from learning not only the concrete but also the abstract.  And this will not be easy as learning disabled kids like Rye have a hard time with abstract concepts.  But you know what?  We’re going to try anyway.  And I think he can do it.  We will use poetry, art, life, emotion, the senses, experience.  All of it.

And most importantly, we will learn most of what we know outside of the classroom.

Because for us, that is what works best.

We watched this movie yesterday as a part of our studies on American History and specifically the time of slavery in America and the abolitionist movement.

We both loved it.

Rye feels like he is just like Huckleberry Finn so he really related to the movie. Or, as he says, “that kid is just like me.”

And I’d have to agree.

It’s oddly quiet in our house this afternoon.

Don is home from a business trip and had to fly overnight last night so he is now in bed sleeping as he didn’t get much sleep on the plane.

Rye and I did our math work this morning and then we didn’t make it much further than math when he asked for an additional Seroquel after he came in from standing outside where he told me he was talking to God (?)  Was he kidding? Was he praying?  Is he having psychosis?  I’m not sure.  I asked him what God said to him but he just looked at me like I was crazy so…  He took the extra Seroquel and is now asleep on the couch.   I think I’ll be able to tell more when he wakes up.

I hope he’s ok.

Yesterday I did an interview for Mommy Lebron and the Bipolar Tuesday section of her blog, Rage Against The Washing Machine.

Check it out.

http://mommylebron.wordpress.com/2011/02/01/bipolar-tuesday-voices-from-the-front/

And thanks Mommy Lebron for contacting me to participate in this.

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In general what to find to be the biggest issue that bipolar disorder poses to your family?

The biggest issue we find with our son having Bipolar I is that our son needs a great deal of attention and assistance and this can be physically, emotionally and financially draining.  People in the ‘outside’ world really have no idea how much effort goes into just keeping him safe and sane and functioning well enough to where he appears fine to most of the people he encounters.  And ironically, as a teen he needs much more care and assistance than he did as a younger child.  But this is due to his bipolar symptoms really coming forth more with the teen years and the hormone fluctuations.

What do you find to be your most successful strategy in dealing with the issue?

We find our life works best right now with me staying home full time and homeschooling our son.  This requires a great deal of financial sacrifice as well as other sacrifices but we find it is worth it.  We found that regular school, even with a lengthy IEP, was a huge stress for him that triggered all kinds of problems (rages, psychosis, etc) and we could not keep him stable while in public school.  I will say, though, that this really did not become a problem until middle school.  But middle school is very different than elementary school in so many ways and that environment was toxic for our son.

What are some of the most wonderful qualities your child possess that you wish others could see more often?

Our son has a million wonderful qualities and luckily this is what people see most often when they see him.  He is funny, mostly outgoing, athletic, inquisitive, engaging, and the list goes on and on. Because he is an only child and because we spend so much time and energy helping him at home and ‘behind the scenes’ most people only see the positive sides of him and that is good.   And when they do see him act out or struggling most of them already know he is bipolar and so they fairly understanding.   And if they aren’t, we don’t need them in our lives anyway.

If you could make on change to your child’s IEP, what would it be?

We don’t use an IEP anymore because we homeschool but when he was in public school he had nearly every accommodation available.  Extended time, mark in the book, read aloud, separate testing area, preferred seating, etc.  And they were all important.  In middle school all of the accommodations in the world were not enough for him as the classes were big (some 30+ kids and the small class assistance he had in elementary school had been cut from budget cuts) and not all of the teachers followed the IEP.  Also, the changing of classes, changing of teachers, overwhelmed teachers, the immaturity of the kids, social issues (girls/boys/sex/drugs/fights) all proved to be too much for him.  However, were he to have stayed in public school I think the most important IEP accommodations would be to have a safe place for him to go in the school that is quiet when he gets overwhelmed and the ability to turn in late assignments and get credit for them.

What is the most important aspect of raising a bipolar child?

Keeping a positive attitude.  It can be hard but it’s really important.  These kids struggle more than most parents will ever realize. They deal with internal battles and thought dysfunction that most parents will never understand.  And they also take on the emotions, stress and struggle of those around them as their own.  So, as hard as it can be, as a parent it is really important to keep your own emotions in check and model positive, strong, consistent and low emotion behavior.  It makes a huge difference in how your child or teen reacts to the world around them and how safe they feel, and how safe they feel directly impacts their behavior and attitude.

As we head into Christmas week, I think we are ready.  We are having a very low key Christmas this year so that makes it easier.

As for homeschooling next semester, I think we are prepared.  Rye is signed up for a more intensive pottery class where he will learn to use the pottery wheel, I signed him up for a writing class (something I never thought I would hear myself say as he really struggles with writing but this woman is supposed to be great with kids who struggle), I found a writing tutor who will do weekly one on one work with Rye,  he is currently playing on a basketball team and will play on another one in the spring, and I will continue to teach him math, american history and science.

As far as medication goes, we have upped Rye’s Seroquel to one 25 mg in the morning and one in the evening and I think now for the first time in the past few years he is not hypomanic.  The medicine was very sedating at first and this has always been a problem with Seroquel for us but now he seems to be adjusting [and one nice thing with homeschooling is we can be so flexible with our schedule to accomodate these issues - we never could do this when he was in public school as they would get mad if he was hyper, then mad if he was tired or sleepy, then mad if this, mad at that, and on and on, making it essentially impossible to get the meds right because the feedback was not at all useful or effective].  And he is doing well.  He can sit and be quiet for a while now and when we went to a hands on science museum a  few days back he was actually able to sit by himself and work on a completely self driven project for at least 15 minutes.   Quietly.  And without help.  I hardly even recoginized him.  It was nice though.  He seems to have some mental peace and relaxation now.

In sports, Rye is getting very into basketball.  He loves it and has a great coach who he really admires so that makes it all the better.  At just shy of 6ft. he is the tallest kid on his team of 12 & 13 yr olds.   He is not quick and not nearly as nimble as the other kids but he is holding his own on the court.  He is tries hard and listens to his coach and is learning and definitely offers the team a large physical presence.  If nothing else, the kid is big.  And he has scored in every game so far so this is helping his self confidence.

And, I guess that’s about it for now.  We are still doing light homeschooing this week to make up for lost time but we will take all of next week off.

And we are looking forward to that.

Yes, we are officially homeschooling again.

And now we’ll need a few days to decompress from the ‘heightened state of awareness’ lifestyle we’ve become accustomed to living.

Because when you are a special needs child or the parent of a special needs child and you are dealing with lower functioning public schools [of which there are way too many here in the often frustratingly backward Southern States], you become used to functioning at a very high internal frequency.  A state of heightened awareness and anxiety.  You hope for the best and yet continually find yourself always waiting for the call of doom.  Always waiting to hear what’s wrong with your child or what’s not being done or how your kid is not meeting expectations and what your kid is not doing… and on…and on….and on.  And everything that goes wrong is always your child’s fault.  The school is never, ever to blame.  Or is, God forbid, incompetent.

It’s exhausting.

And ultimately a waste of time, energy, self esteem, and resources.

So, once again, we bailed.  We pulled the plug.  We dared to wish for more and cried ‘Uncle’.  And thanks to Don (we love you Don!) we are lucky to have that option as the cost on all of our souls was becoming just too high.

And now…we are free!

No more worrying about IEPs that aren’t being followed.  No more annoyance over BIPs that aren’t being followed.  No more expecting people and teachers and administrators to do the right thing.  Or to do things they are supposed to do but are never actually going to do, despite being obligated by law.  Because, as many of you know, when push comes to shove the laws only are only in place to protect the schools and their staff and not the actual students.

But alas, no more.

It’s over.

Over, I say.

Now we just need to allow our bodies and minds relax again.   The experiment is over.  Public schools are not for us.  We are gypsies at heart.  Non-conformists, I suppose.   We like to march to our own drum.

Hello, relaxed homeschool life.  We’ve missed you!

After which, I felt like this:

And wanted to do this:

But somehow we made it.

And we are both still here and alive.

Well, he’s now asleep.

I’m awake and still alive.

And now I’m going to work in the garden.  Hello peace and solitude.

Amen.

The events of last week:

We headed back to the Neurologist and Rye had a sleep deprived EEG.  We didn’t get optimal results because despite the fact that he was really tired, Rye was so nervous about it that he never did fall asleep during the test.  So…it wasn’t what it could have been.

We also saw the psychiatrist.  Our situation as of now is that Rye cannot calm down lately and is overall really amped so we discussed starting the Depakote.  Rye was receptive.  He wants to be able to be calmer and less raw and can see the difference between him and his friends.  Between Don and I and his friends (and it seems there is always one of them at our house) we all spend a lot of time saying “calm down, slow down, chill out” etc.   But he can’t.  So he needs some help.  We start that probably later this week once the blood work results get transferred.  The Neurologist is in agreement that the Depakote may help.

Rye had a fishing tournament this weekend but didn’t place.  It was really, really hot here this weekend with heat of the oppressive, humid variety.  That combined with the fact that Rye didn’t sleep Friday night contributed to a ‘not so optimal’  fishing scenario.  That’s ok though.  I was surprised he did as well as he did being on a boat for 7 hours given his circumstances going into it.

And homeschooling is going well.   Homeschooling Rye looks very different than homeschooling a neurotypical kid but we have delved into the book work and are making progress.   I could write volumes on this subject but suffice it to say life is much better on all fronts now that we are homeschooling.

And Don and I spent part of Sunday taking pictures at some various church camps around the area.  The pictures in this post are some of those pictures.  There is a real deep spiritual history and beauty to the South and it’s really fascinating to me.  These camps are a part of that history and most are still used today.

I was watching “19 Kids and Counting” tonight and Michelle Duggar said this about her kids and homeschooling, the world is a classroom.   I thought it was great.   Because it’s so true.  And I wonder, is “out-of-school schooling” better for some kids that “in-school schooling”?  Could be.  And I may have one of those kids.

Now, on a slightly unrelated note, I have a not-so-secret desire to be a Duggar.  So my opinion on all of this is biased.  I just love them.  Their kids are so calm and pleasant and mature and responsible and courteous, etc. etc. etc.  I find it just really amazing.  And wonderful to see.  Granted, their kids don’t seem to have any neurological struggles as mine does.  Nonetheless, they inspire me.  And I wonder if they would all still be that way if they had to go to public school for 8 hours a day.  But alas, we’ll never know.

Anyway, Rye is out of school this week.  He told me today he does not want to go back to regular school.  He wants to homeschool.  He says there is too much drama and chaos at the school and life is much calmer not going.  And he doesn’t mind doing schoolwork.  He just can’t take the atmosphere there.   I guess it was fun for a while and then it all got to be too much.  Way too much.  And with everything that has happened in the past few months that makes perfect sense.  So, now I wait until the IEP meeting on Monday and see what we can come up with.  I suggested to Rye maybe a happy medium would be a half day at school but he’s luke warm on that idea right now.  I guess we’ll just see.  I have to work part time so we’ll have to do something.  I am intrigued though to think about all of the things he could learn if he wasn’t in a classroom all day.  Especially since now he has no art, music or related art classes (foreign language, careers, computers)  at school.  The possibilities are endless.

Anyway, it is my experience that a lot of special needs kids homeschool so the parents can create the atmosphere the kids need to be happy and successful.  And focus on the child’s strengths vs their weaknesses.  We’ve actually done it before and it worked really well.  Rye was a much calmer, more mature, less frantic kid.  I  guess we’ll just see what the future brings.

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D’jew find jew anything, Mae?

Yea,  sissy, I found me a really nice Bible.  Who’d've thought?  Right here in this store.

And it’s beautiful.

This was the conversation I overheard in the Goodwill store yesterday.  Don and I were in a town south of us that I would definitely consider to be the deep South.  It looks like it’s been lost in time, and that description would be generous.  We like to shop for books at the Goodwill store there because the store is large and bright and welcoming and hardback books are $1.00 each.  And you’d be surprised what a great selection they have.  Apparently these ladies felt the same way.

This week has been a long one over here.   But things are looking up.  Rye seems to be really decompressing now that he is out of school and will be for this coming week as well.  His whole body and psyche seem to be relaxing.  It’s nice to see.  This is not to say, however, that he will do no schoolwork this week.  I am going today to buy workbooks so that we can work on math and reading comprehension every day this week.  I need to see where he is and get him caught up on what probably is a great deal of material.  I have a feeling I’ll have my work cut out for me.  But that’s ok.  I’m ready.

In other news, I am starting my consulting business back up.  I started this business a couple of years ago and had good success with it but then had to put it on hold due to some extenuating circumstances.   I am uber excited to start it again.  It’s time.  I have missed it.   Substitute teaching is nice but I’m ready to go back to being my own boss.  And go back to having adult conversations.  And client visits.  And client lunches.  And checks made out to me.  And all that jazz.   And in all honesty, I see a decent amount of homeschooling  in my future with Rye as I’m not holding my breath on the school to do the right thing so this will provide me with a good balance of adult world and child/teen world and ultimately a much better income.  And I can do it part time.

As far as the school situation goes, we are making headway and are getting an IEP meeting scheduled.  I have a special needs advocate from a non-profit agency coming to the meeting with me that knows the laws and this county’s schools inside and out.  This will be a huge, huge help.  She has helped me before and is an angel on earth, as far as I’m concerned.   This will happen in the next week or so.

And, that’s about it for now.  There is much to look forward to over here.

Onward and upward.