One of the great things about being in a car for hours upon hours with your child is you just never know what’s going to happen.  I mean, the sheer stillness of it all basked in the hypnotic movement of the car along the road makes us relax.  And then life just happens.

It’s sublime.

On this particular trip, I let Rye take control of the cd player and as a result I became a passenger in the express lane of learning Eminem and Lil Wayne song lyrics.  Rye relates to both of these singers on such a heart felt level that he can literally listen to their music over and over and over and over again.  And over again.  I can nearly recite the whole ‘Recovery’ album now (ok, I am 40, I just called it an album.  How embarassing).

And, hey, I know, I know.  I let my 13 year old listen to what??   But what about the bad words?  What about the blah, blah, blah…yada, yada, yada…???  ok, just as an fyi, this kid has already been to hell and back.  And he was in public middle school for a while.  These lyrics don’t shock him.  He is so young, and yet so old.  What can I say.

Anyway,  we listen and listen and listen.  And Rye sings and sings and sings.  He then draws me into singing duets with him.  Oh yes,  I did.  Don’t ask about the details.   And then it happens…

“For crying out loud,” Rye says, “who the heck is this Judy he [Eminem] keeps singing about?”

“Judy?”  I say.  “He doesn’t sing about a Judy.”

“Yes, he does, mom.  It’s Judy this and Judy that.  I’ll play you the song.”

So, he plays me the song.

“Rye, that’s ‘Doody’ he’s singing about.”

“Doody?  What the??  Mom, no, he is not singing about Doody.  That’s ridiculous.  Why in the world would he be singing about poop?  He’s singing about a person.  He’s singing to Judy.  About how much he misses her.”

“No, Rye.  Doody was his friend.  He was a rapper named Proof that got killed [like I said, I know the stories well now].  Doody was his nickname.  He’s talking about how much he misses him.”

“I don’t believe it.  I’m sure it’s Judy.  He’s singing to Judy about how much he misses her.”

Ok, whatever.

Then, of course, once I give up and say I don’t care he realizes maybe I’m not a total knob after all and he was wrong.  This prompts him to take it to the next level and starts calling out “Judy, this one’s for you!  Judy, if you are in the audience tonight, I’m singing this for you.  How I miss you, Judy!”  And it just went on and on.

He got going so hard with the whole thing I was in hysterics laughing.  He was laughing.  He was in a state of pure bliss.  Laughing at himself.  Laughing at the world.   Loving life.

So, Doody aka Judy, wherever you are, this one’s for you.

Thanks for the memories.

The past is never dead.  It’s not even past.

- From ‘Requiem For A Nun’ by William Faulkner

So I  have to write this down before I forget it but last night I had a dream about Eminem.  Here’s why.

Rye’s new favorite song is ‘Not Afraid’ by Eminem.  If you haven’t heard the song or your kids don’t listen ad nauseum to and know the lyrics to every new hip hop song that comes out on the radio, this song is from his new album ‘Recovery’ and it’s about Eminem’s decision to get clean from drugs and alcohol.  And it’s actually a really good song.   So we listen to it a lot. Because it’s on the radio a lot.

Anyway, yesterday Rye, his friend and I were coming home from the amusement park/water park (to which we now have season passes so we go every week) and the song ‘Not Afraid’ came on the radio.  Rye sang it at about 800 decibels with the hand movements and everything and we moved on with our lives.  Well, about 10 minutes later another Eminem song came on that I had never heard before and I swear to God I nearly had a wreck I was so stopped in my tracks by it.  The song was “Love the Way You Lie” with Eminem and Rihanna.

Now, it’s not often in life we have moments like this and when we do have them it’s always a bit unnerving but at the moment I heard that song I was totally taken back to my first marriage.  Honest to God, I felt like I was emotionally in some kind of time warp.  That song completely took me back, instantaneously and in some weird suspension in time.   The song was a nearly perfect depiction of my relationship with Rye’s bio-dad, BigB.  And it completely weirded me out.  Now, not to say that that relationship was all bad because by no means was it.  Rye’s bio-dad was my best friend for many years.  Almost all of my 20’s, in fact.  When it was good, it was really good.  But when it was bad it was really bad.  Too bad.  So ultimately I had to go.

Anyway, to the dream.  Well, the dream was that I was staying at a friend’s house and Eminem was staying there as well.  He was passing through town on some tour or something or other and he was friends with the same people I was friends with so he was staying and visiting with them, just as I was.  I was petrified to talk to him because I had no idea what he would be like in real life and, to be honest, he very much reminds me of BigB (Rye’s bio-dad) and that weirds me out a little as well.   But I finally mustered up the nerve to talk to him and as it turns out, I had nothing to be scared of as he was really nice.  And very intelligent. The intelligence part was the part that struck me the most.  We had a good conversation and then our mutual friends, he and I all went out for breakfast.  And when we got in the car the song ‘Love The Way You Lie’ was playing.   And this time I was was ok with it.  The song didn’t spook me as much.  I was at peace with it all.

Ok, a little mundane, I admit it.  But I never ever dream about celebrities so it was unusual for me.

Really I think the dream was about working through and coming full circle on the past and present because, you see, Rye loves Eminem.  Eminem is a lot like BigB.  BigB was raised a lot like Eminem.  Rye loves but is scared of BigB.  I loved but was (and still am a bit) scared of BigB.  We never hear from BigB.  Eminem is who we hear on the radio.  Eminem sings songs that directly relate to both Rye and BigB.   BigB looks somewhat similar to and has the same mannerisms as Eminem.  Rye has no idea that BigB ever liked Eminem as an artist.  Rye is simply drawn, independantly,  to the lyrics and the notes and the emotion that Eminem expresses.  He can relate to it.  As could Big B.  They are all very similar on a level of soul.

So, there you go.

Life works in mysterious ways.  And what may appear to be the past is never really past.