The past is never dead.  It’s not even past.

- From ‘Requiem For A Nun’ by William Faulkner

So I  have to write this down before I forget it but last night I had a dream about Eminem.  Here’s why.

Rye’s new favorite song is ‘Not Afraid’ by Eminem.  If you haven’t heard the song or your kids don’t listen ad nauseum to and know the lyrics to every new hip hop song that comes out on the radio, this song is from his new album ‘Recovery’ and it’s about Eminem’s decision to get clean from drugs and alcohol.  And it’s actually a really good song.   So we listen to it a lot. Because it’s on the radio a lot.

Anyway, yesterday Rye, his friend and I were coming home from the amusement park/water park (to which we now have season passes so we go every week) and the song ‘Not Afraid’ came on the radio.  Rye sang it at about 800 decibels with the hand movements and everything and we moved on with our lives.  Well, about 10 minutes later another Eminem song came on that I had never heard before and I swear to God I nearly had a wreck I was so stopped in my tracks by it.  The song was “Love the Way You Lie” with Eminem and Rihanna.

Now, it’s not often in life we have moments like this and when we do have them it’s always a bit unnerving but at the moment I heard that song I was totally taken back to my first marriage.  Honest to God, I felt like I was emotionally in some kind of time warp.  That song completely took me back, instantaneously and in some weird suspension in time.   The song was a nearly perfect depiction of my relationship with Rye’s bio-dad, BigB.  And it completely weirded me out.  Now, not to say that that relationship was all bad because by no means was it.  Rye’s bio-dad was my best friend for many years.  Almost all of my 20’s, in fact.  When it was good, it was really good.  But when it was bad it was really bad.  Too bad.  So ultimately I had to go.

Anyway, to the dream.  Well, the dream was that I was staying at a friend’s house and Eminem was staying there as well.  He was passing through town on some tour or something or other and he was friends with the same people I was friends with so he was staying and visiting with them, just as I was.  I was petrified to talk to him because I had no idea what he would be like in real life and, to be honest, he very much reminds me of BigB (Rye’s bio-dad) and that weirds me out a little as well.   But I finally mustered up the nerve to talk to him and as it turns out, I had nothing to be scared of as he was really nice.  And very intelligent. The intelligence part was the part that struck me the most.  We had a good conversation and then our mutual friends, he and I all went out for breakfast.  And when we got in the car the song ‘Love The Way You Lie’ was playing.   And this time I was was ok with it.  The song didn’t spook me as much.  I was at peace with it all.

Ok, a little mundane, I admit it.  But I never ever dream about celebrities so it was unusual for me.

Really I think the dream was about working through and coming full circle on the past and present because, you see, Rye loves Eminem.  Eminem is a lot like BigB.  BigB was raised a lot like Eminem.  Rye loves but is scared of BigB.  I loved but was (and still am a bit) scared of BigB.  We never hear from BigB.  Eminem is who we hear on the radio.  Eminem sings songs that directly relate to both Rye and BigB.   BigB looks somewhat similar to and has the same mannerisms as Eminem.  Rye has no idea that BigB ever liked Eminem as an artist.  Rye is simply drawn, independantly,  to the lyrics and the notes and the emotion that Eminem expresses.  He can relate to it.  As could Big B.  They are all very similar on a level of soul.

So, there you go.

Life works in mysterious ways.  And what may appear to be the past is never really past.

Well, I dropped Rye off at his fishing tournament bright and early this morning.  It’s a beautiful day here so he should have a good day and I now have some time to myself to piddle as Don is out of town visiting family for the weekend.

As I was driving to the lake I couldn’t help but think that I am a bit concerned these days about keeping Rye on the straight and narrow.   He’s about to turn 13 and he’s definitely getting to that period of life where him and his friends are starting to get a bit wiley.  I mean, they are good kids.  They all pray and all seem to have a good connection to God but still, they are easily sidetracked.  And the night before last a bunch of them spent the night at one of the friend’s house and apparently had quite a time.  And stayed up very late.  Call me a cynic but I can’t imagine that was a tale of purity.

I guess it’s true that if Rye was any old Joe kid with any old Joe steady-Eddy parents I probably would not be too concerned.   I mean, kids will be kids and teens will be teens and Rye has had a great deal of freedom over the years and still continues to have a lot and has always made good decisions so far.  However, I liked excitement in my teen years and Rye’s dad, BigB, was off the charts.  Beginning young and throughout his life he has really struggled with drugs and alcohol, has been to jail many times, and has been to prison.  So, not to overestimate the impact of genetics or anything but it is something to keep in mind.   It would be ignorant not to.

Anyway, as I was driving and thinking I looked to my left and there it was.  An AA house.  Alcoholics Anonymous.  A whole stand alone house just for their meetings.  It even had a sign out front designating it as such.  And there were a bunch of men out front smoking and chatting.  Now, I’m going to be honest, we have lived in this area for many years and I have never seen an AA house anywhere.  And now here we are out in what seems like the middle of nowhere, on the one day in a long time I have even been mulling this issue over in my mind,  and there it was.   Well, of course I took it as a sign.  How could one not?  This didn’t happen by accident.

So I decided,  I am going to take Rye to a few AA meetings and let him see how this all plays out of you aren’t careful or start making bad decisions.  Maybe he could hear some stories of people hitting bottom and what it took to recover and all that that entails.   He’s definitely the type of kid that needs to see things up close and personal and hear the stories straight from the horse’s mouth or he’s not buying it.

Maybe it will have an impact.  Maybe it won’t.  Maybe I don’t need to worry about it all that much.  Maybe he’s got the sense to make good decisions without this kind of exposure.  Maybe he doesn’t.  Who knows.  I do know it can’t hurt him.   It won’t hurt him to go to a few meetings.  And it might really help him.

Preventative measures, I tell myself, preventative measures.