Raising Bipolar

So, I don’t know about where you live but in the South where we live there are two different hair styles now that are popular among middle school boys.  One is the buzz cut.  That one is of this variety.

Note how neat and clean this boy will look.  Groomed, if you will.

The other look, on the flip side, is the more trendy look of the kind of longish but-not-too-long kind of look.  Kind of like you are growing out your hair but don’t want it really grown out.  Or even styled really.  Kind of like a mop, sitting on the top of one’s head.  That maybe a bird could make a nest in.  Or perhaps a small family of weasels could bed down in.  And maybe the weasels are actually in there and we just don’t know it yet.  This is how unkempt some of them look.  Think Peter Brady on the Brady Bunch.  Yes, that’s right. That look is back in.

Well, my son, being the team player he is, had to grow his hair out to get the raggedly mop-like look so he could be cool.  For the girls, you know.  And the boys too, actually.  It’s very important in middle school to impress one’s friends.  And, by God, he wanted to look hip.  And to be able to do that ‘hair shake’ of flipping one’s hair back in a manner to make one ultra cool.  You know, the kind of ‘come hither’ move for boys.  So, we let him grow his hair out.  Into a mop.

Now, the thing is though, with Rye’s hair…it is blond and very thick.  And curly when it gets longer.  And did I say thick?  And so as he’s grown it out those curls have turned thick and uniform.  In fact, they now look like pin curls.  Yes, pin curls.  Every morning he wakes up and looks like he set his hair in these the night before.

As he has perfectly styled curls.    And so, as it turns out, his hair now looks pretty much just like this.

No kidding.   In fact, it looks nearly exactly like that.

Now, I’m not sure if that’s what he had in mind or not when he started growing it out but that is where we are.  And last week we went and got his passport application put in and the picture on there looked almost exactly like this, minus the girl face.  So now we will have a permanent reminder of the middle school hair days.

Oh yes, it’s a coiffure to remember.

Well, I’ll tell you, Rye and I were talking yesterday and I’m pretty sure that someday he will look back on this summer and see it as one of the more defining times in his life.  The kid is really having to learn some really difficult life lessons right now.  And it’s not easy.  In fact, it’s quite painful.

As Rye moves from childhood to the teen years and matures into more of a young man, he is having to make some changes in his life.  And while these changes are ultimately for the better, they aren’t easy.  By any means.   He is having to say good-bye to some friends and friend’s families that he has known well since he was 7 years old.   Friends whose lives and families lives have taken a turn for a less-than-desirable path.   And often a dangerous path.  Friends who are starting to get into trouble.  Trouble that will have a big impact later down the road.  Friends whose parents are constantly in trouble and create havoc in the lives of those around them.  Friends whose parents have addictions that they cannot or will not address and impact the whole household around them.   Friends whose houses are not safe for Rye to go to anymore.  Friends who are engaging in sexual activity at much too early of an age and can’t even begin to understand the depth of the consequences of their actions, be it physically, emotionally, or spiritually.

And these changes are hard.

They mean letting go of the familiar.  Letting go of families that had become almost like second families to him in the days when situations were safer.   Letting go of the known, and a false sense of safety, and years of history with people.

All in exchange for a life of better living.  A life with a better future.  Bigger goals.  A broader reality.  A life of conscious living and purposeful choices.

But you know what?  He is doing it.  He is working through it.  He is maturing.  He sees the limitations of the situations he was in and wants more for himself.  And wants to be around people that want more for themselves.  And luckily he does have some friends that fit this definition so he is not losing all he knows.  He even has some friends with parents with real struggles that still want something better for themselves.  And those friends he will keep.   But this is definitely a time of struggle for Rye.  And pain.  And loss.  And sadness.

We talked yesterday about what differentiates successful people in life from unsuccessful people (and I’m not talking in terms of monetary value but rather in leading a healthy, happy, productive, challenging, loving and purposeful life).  And we decided that the defining moments come when  a person bound for success sees a challenge in life,  meets that challenge head on, problem solves the challenge, works through the challenge, feels the feelings and comes out the other end a stronger, more mature, more self confident and peaceful person.  Conversely, the person that does not achieve success in life lets the inevitable challenges of life that we all must face consume them and ultimately devour them.  They avoid the problem, deny the problem, are scared of the problem, work to escape the problem, and therefore become paralyzed by the problem.  They cannot work through, move through or move past inevitable challenges in their life.  And therefore they become retarded in that phase of development and never become a fully rounded or developed person.

The great thing is, Rye, now at 12 years old, is able to see the difference in how people choose to deal with the world around them. An he wants to be a strong person.  Someone who can move through the problems of life and not let them hold him back from what he wants.  And he’s willing to make the sacrifices to do it.

I can’t begin to tell you how proud I am of him.  He is feeling a lot of loss right now but he is an incredible person.  He will work through it and I’m so proud to have him as my son.

Don, Rye and I went tent camping this weekend.  It was a lot of fun and Rye’s first time tent camping of actually sleeping in the tent overnight.   Don couldn’t participate in any of the swimming activities as he had an incision on his back from a dermatology appointment but on Saturday Rye and I had great fun going to a natural water slide and swimming.   As we were slightly unorganized and unprepared in preparation for the trip (thanks to me) and it had been raining off an on all day, we didn’t have the greatest luck getting a successful fire going that night and that was a bit disappointing (note to self:  next time don’t be so stoic and just break down and bring a heaping supply of lighter fluid so the kid doesn’t get so frustrated).  But we managed nonetheless.

Rye did have a hard time getting to sleep in the tent.  He was scared of a good many things and got freaked out a bit but he managed to settle in eventually and with the help of a Seroquel, finally knocked out and got a good night’s sleep.   He woke up perky and proud of himself for making it through the night.  In fact, in the morning he was much more well rested than Don or I as we both had a hard time sleeping soundly on the rocks that the tent site was on.

On Sunday we went to a waterfall with a swimming hole that this man that lived on a commune in the mountains had told me about (I met him in line at the water slide).  The waterfall was really cool.  You hiked in a bit to it and then it had a beautiful little swimming hole at the bottom and we hung out there a bit and swam.  Eventually it started pouring rain and we had to hike back up the mountain in flip flops in the rain, which was definitely memorable.

Anyway, I would say overall the trip was a success.  We are going to go back in a few weeks for another weekend when Don can swim as well and Rye can bring a friend.  On the next trip we are going to fish and tube down the river as well (the campsite is on a river) and I’m really looking forward to that.  I love tubing down rivers!

And next time we will be sure to have the air mattresses and gobs of lighter fluid.  For the happiness of the team I must face reality and realize that I am no Daniel Boone.

__________

note: and don’t you wonder what that ‘House of Happiness’ is above….

Well, I’m happy to say things are going well here.  We had a good weekend and a really nice Father’s Day.  Rye and I got Don some good steaks and some nice wine and we grilled out and swam in the pool, worked in the garden and overall had a really nice day.

At the end of the evening we all got on the computer and looked at old pictures and wondered where all of the time has gone.  When I married Don nearly 6 years ago Rye was 7 years old and about half the size of Don.  Now, after measuring them yesterday, Rye is as tall as Don and already has a much bigger build and shoe size than Don and Rye’s hips are about 2 inches above Don’s.  So soon we’ll all be looking up to Rye.  Way up.  We are already starting to feel small in comparison.  It’s incredible.

We’re going to be like the Lilliputian couple with the giant kid.

Saturday night we went and saw the movie ‘Diary Of A Wimpy Kid’.  The movie was really good but I had to wonder where in the world this kid went to public school where the kids are able to be that innocent still in the 6th grade.  It made for a great movie and a great thought but I wish my son could go to that public school where girls still wear braided pig tails in middle school and boys still wear sweater vests.  I must be living in the wrong part of the world.  Public school in the rural south where we live is much more hard-core.  Even in the 6th grade.  Regardless, the movie was really good.

And that’s about it here.  We are going tent camping this coming weekend in the mountains and we are all excited about that.  It really feels like summer here and it’s nice.

A long, hot summer.