Tomorrow Rye and I leave to go with Gam for a week on our first cruise.   Well, Gam has been on many cruises but this will be the first for Rye and I.  And it will be Rye’s first time out of the country (with the exception of Canada).  We are really excited.

Personally, I am a bit concerned about getting sea sick but everyone tells me since the ship is so big it should not be an issue.  And the other night we watched the movie “White Squall” (which was really good, by the way) and now I feel like a wimp for being concerned about being on a giant cruise ship.  Oh well, I’m sure it will be fine.

We have some fun excursions planned.  Horseback riding, underwater moped things, and deep sea fishing (not me, Rye And Gam, they love deep sea fishing.  I can’t stand it.  I went once off the coast of Portugal and thought I was going to die right there on the ship from sea sickness.  In fact, my boyfriend and one other guy from England, Matt, were the only two people on the boat that weren’t passed out from sickness by the end of the day.  It was gross).

And Rye cut all of his hair off last night for the cruise and for football.  Buzzed it.  I almost didn’t even recognize him.  His head looks so small now without 20 pounds of hair on it.  Weird.

Anyway, I hope everyone has a good week.  We will miss Don but I’m sure we will have many tales of intrigue for him when we get home.

We love you Don!

on a side note last night Rye told Don that if he makes it big in football he’s going to buy Don whatever kind of Jeep he wants (Don loves Jeeps).  I thought that was so cute.

Yesterday Rye and I had what  Don and I call a payback day.  Payback days are essentially mental health/fall apart days for Rye.  Days where Rye really lets down and lets out all of the fears, anxieties, anger, etc. that he has been keeping inside for days or weeks, like a tea kettle that has built pressure over time and finally blows its whistle from pressure overload.  And yesterday I had the pleasure of having that day with Rick Jones, the alter ego, who I have not seen or heard from in a long time now.

Rye ranted and raved and went on and on about everything he’s scared of and everything he’s kept in over the past few months.  He got mad.  He got sad.  He cried.  He screamed.  He yelled.  He went on and on.  And I let it go on and on because I’ve learned he needs these days.  In order for him to maintain his calm self the majority of the time, he needs these days to let down and let it out.   And this one was overdue because he has been doing really, really well lately.

Anyway, at about 2:30pm I’d finally had enough and told him it was time to let it all go so we could move on with our day and he needed to take part of a Seroquel if he couldn’t regroup on his own.  He was ok with that so we quartered a 25 mg Seroquel and he took a quarter (yes, that is a tiny, tiny dose but I think it was definitely more mental than anything) and we went on with our day.  He helped me clean the house and then we went to football practice.  He worked hard at football and then had a friend spend the night.

Overall it was a good day.  Tiring but good.

Payback days are needed around here.

We say goodbye to the childhood years, hello to the teen years, and hello to football.

Real football.

Get your butt in gear, get in shape, learn how to play well, and look to becoming one of the best, football.  Look to excellence.  Look to scholarship.  Keep your eye on the prize.

Current stats:

12 years old, 5′9″, 170 pounds, size 13 cleats.

Get ready to work.

He liked it!

He liked the overnight camp and wants to go back to another one next year.  Or maybe even two.

After picking him up I heard endless tales of intrigue.  We went and had lunch and he told me stories of good times, stories of bad times, stories of nice kids and stories of mean kids.  It was really fun to hear about all of the experiences he had and realize that he now has some real summer camp memories.   He was so proud of himself for making it through and seemed to feel really good about himself.  He said overall he had a blast.

And, here’s the best part, apparently the cabin that he was staying in was occupied primarily by a very aggressive and foul mouthed group of boys who already knew each other from school and other camps they had been to this summer.   They were all nearly literally half of Rye’s size (Rye is very big and tall for his age and these kids were particularly small, it seems) and yet they kept picking on Rye and trying to get him to fight them.  In fact one night they threw a full soda can at his head and bruised it just to try and get him to fight.   Amazingly though Rye never took the bait and finally told them all that he thought it was a complete joke they wanted to fight him because although they may hit him and hurt him slightly with a punch or two, if he was to hit them he would send them into next week and could really seriously injure them.  So he never did fight them.  And after a few nights of taking it he told the main counselor that they were driving him nuts with the wanting to fight and the camp director put Rye in a cabin with high school guys for the rest of the week and he liked that much better.  He said the high school guys were all really nice and much more mature than the middle school boys and were also physically all his same size as Rye so he didn’t feel like a giant with them.

I can’t tell you how proud I am of him.  And how proud he is of himself.

I really think the Depakote combined with the therapy is helping him make much better decisions and live a much richer life.  It’s not too long ago that I’m pretty sure confronted with those kids he would have just gone ahead and pummeled them into next week.  He would have just reacted to their comments and taunts and not have been able to just let it go and walk away and realize the absurdity of it all.

Progress.

The kid is growing up.

Rye made it through his first week-long experience  of overnight camp.  We pick him up this morning and I can’t wait to hear about how it all went.  From the pictures I’ve seen so far it looks like they did some really fun stuff and I can’t wait to hear his side of the story.   I’m just thrilled he made it through.  No calls home, no need to pick him up early, no nothing.  In fact, we have not even talked to him in a week per camp policy.  And this was a regular summer camp.  No special anything.  I’m thrilled for him.  Now, he may melt down this weekend when he gets home and lets down but that’s ok.  He made it through and every experience he has like this where he relies on himself  to get through times in life (he didn’t know anyone at this camp going into it) builds his self confidence, his self reliance, and his self knowledge.  It makes him a stronger person.

I’m so happy for him.  I know he will be proud of himself for this accomplishment as I know he was really scared to go but he pushed through the fear, replaced it with faith, and did it anyway.

So, in light of these situations, many parents are faced with the problem of how to manage their own child. How do you stop the dangerous behavior and help them to do the right thing? And often times, in times of desperation, the decision goes to whether or not to call the police on your own child. The thought is, maybe the police will scare them straight. Maybe dealing with the legal system and court system will make the child realize their actions have consequences and that this behavior is to be taken seriously. Maybe some time in a juvenile detention center or with a probation officer will be just what the child needs to make better decisions.

But does this work?

It is my personal opinion that, no, it does not work. And not only does it not work, it can have the opposite effect of what you thought it would do. You have now made your child into a criminal.

You have criminalized you own own child.

Now, I’m sure there are a lot of people that would disagree with me on this. And if you have a story that shows otherwise I would love to hear it. However, in my first marriage I was married to what the court systems consider as an adult to be a career criminal. He was raised in an incredibly dysfunctional and antisocial (i.e. engaging in behavior that goes against the norms of society) family and had a heavy drug problem starting at the age of about 13.  By 14 he was engaged in antisocial behavior that had him in and out of the court system, juvenile detention centers, boys camps, etc. for all of his teen years. By 18 he was in a prison diversion program that he stayed in until about 22 years old. And the story goes on and on through adulthood.

Did his involvement with the law as a teen scare him straight? No.

He used to tell me, the only thing going to juvenile detention centers or boys camps or whatever does for a teen boy is normalize antisocial behavior for them and make that the world they know. Not only does it not scare them straight, it desensitizes them to criminal or drug behavior and that becomes their new norm. And once your child has a probation office or is involved in the system, what are the chances that families whose kids are doing the right thing and have never had any contact with the court systems are going to want your child at their house? Or have their kids be friends with your kid? Pretty low. It would be the exception. So as a kid your are now steered even more to the wrong kids because those are the kids and the kids families that will accept those situations.

Now I’m not saying this is always the case. And I’m not saying the if your child is doing something horrible or endangering him or herself or your family to a grave degree that you should not protect yourself or your other children. Of course you should. But what I am saying is that one should think twice about the long term effects of calling the police on your child. Or having the child involved in the court system. And think about what that does to the child’s self esteem and self image. The child now sees him or herself as a criminal and knows that you also see them as a criminal.  That is hard to overcome.  Especially for kids already struggling with bipolar.  It’s now just one more thing for them to deal with and overcome.

Does this experience and self image help create a healthy adult?

It’s something to consider.

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. ~ Jesus Christ

I know, it’s ridiculous.  But the kid has such a big personality he really fills up the house with his presence and it’s a little vacuous here without him.   Anyway, I hope he’s having a good time. We don’t get to talk to him until Friday when we pick him up.  We can only send him emails.  But he can’t send any back.  I’m wondering if it would be frowned upon if I sent him some silly emails.   Something to make him laugh.  I’m tempted to try and stir up trouble by sending something really silly.  I guess that wouldn’t be prudent.  It is, after all, a Christian camp.  Who know what kind of a sense of humor they have.  Could be minimal.   I hope it’s not like the movie ‘Jesus Camp’.  Perhaps I should have investigated it a bit more before sending him.  Honestly, though, it was very affordable and had paintball and a ropes course so we went with it.  And I like the Christian basis.   A Christian camp with a paintball basis.  There you go.  The best the South has to offer.  I just hope it’s not over the top.  Oh well.  I guess we’ll see.

Anyway, here’s a clip from ‘Meatballs’ where Bill Murray pretends to be the director of the camp for rich kids across the lake from the inexpensive camp where he actually works.  It’s rated R so if you are easily offended or uncomfortable with sexuality, don’t watch it.

With Rye away we are spending some time catching up on our movie watching.

We watched ‘Crazy Heart’ the other night.  It was my second time seeing it and Don’s first and I can’t tell you how much I love this movie.  I think for me, because I grew up for half of my life in Houston and spent part of every summer at a ranch in New Mexico, the movie feels like home to me.  The scenery, the old Suburban, the dress of the characters, the genre of music, the personalities of the characters, all of it.  I knew many a person just like the character Jeff Bridges plays and also many just like the character Robert Duvall plays.  Dead on.  They were both really great in this movie.  And I love the music and especially the theme song ‘The Weary Kind’.

Check it out if you haven’t already.

We have had a good week over here.  Rye has been doing well and we’ve been having fun.

We had what felt a million doctor appointments on Tuesday, Wednesday we stayed home and did house work, Thursday Rye hung out with a friend and then Friday I took him and his friend to the amusement park.  We had a blast.  We were there for 8 hours and stayed well into the evening where they took part in a dance party.    It was hilarious and they loved it.   We are having quite the amusement park summer.

Today Rye headed out to sleep-away summer camp.  This is his first time to go to camp where he sleeps there and despite being very anxious for most of the day and throwing up last night from nerves over going, he made it there and I think he’ll have a good time.   It’s a small Christian camp and doesn’t have too many kids so its a good size for a starter camp.   Rye is so social and active I’ll be shocked if he doesn’t love it.   I mean, summer camp is a rite of passage, no?  You have to go just so you can relate to the movie ‘Meatballs’ if nothing else.   But if he implodes and falls apart, the worst case scenario is they call us to come get him early (I didn’t tell them he is bipolar so let’s see how that works out.  I figure I’m not sure how much it would help for them to know.  As long as he takes the Depakote he should be fine.  I think.  We’ll see…lol…).   But at least he will have tried.

So, assuming all goes well, Don and I are free from parenting duties this week.  This in and of itself is worthy of celebration.  Don has to work every day but that’s ok.  We have every evening alone together.  Nice, nice, nice!! I can already feel my whole system whomping down and relaxing.  It feels great.

Let the adult-only festivities begin!!

I watched this film the other day for the second time and all I can say is that if you have not seen this film, see it.  It is incredible.  It is the most haunting documentary film I have ever seen and we watch a lot of documentary films over here.  The film follows a group of children in Romania that have either left their abusive homes or left their abusive orphanages in exchange for a life of living on the streets.  The children live with no support system whatsoever except each other.   And some of the kids are as young as 7 years old.

It really gives a good insight into how much trauma kids can and do endure.

This film is so moving I’m not sure I will ever forget the faces of the kids whose stories they tell.  And I will always wonder how those kids are doing now or what ever became of them.