Normally I like to stay with the black and white theme but hey, it doesn’t do Spring much justice so…color it is!  Living on the wild side over here, I tell ya.

I haven’t been much for posting lately.  I guess sometimes you just need a break from it.   Anyway, after a rough few months of adjustment on Rye’s end to our move here, things are now going well.  Or, I should say ‘teen years well’.  This is my new measuring system.  I’ll tell you, the teen years are a bit more of a challenge than I had anticipated them being so I’ve had to adjust my paradigm.  That said, in ‘teen years paradigm’ and despite an occasional bump in the road, things are going well.

Rye is going to school full time most days…check.  He is trying for the most part at school and his grades are within normal range after some IEP adjustments…check.   He is now making friends that are the kind of friends we would expect him to have and would welcome into our home….check.  He is getting in good physical shape and looking forward to playing football next year…check.  He is decent at home most of the time and falls into the general teen sassiness sometimes but is overall acceptable…check.  Despite the potenital embarrasment of being seen  ‘going out’ with his parents he still occasionally likes to do things with Don and I and we still have fun with him…check.  So, overall, I can’t complain.

As for me, I am now working on focusing on myself a little more and Rye a little less.   This kid takes so much parenting and has for so many years that I had really started to let myself get sucked into the vortex of all that is Rye and it was time to start readjusting my priorities.  The teen years for kids with mood disorders are tough and I am learning through necessity to detach a bit emotionally, be firm with him, hold my ground, not waiver, demand more of him than he wants to demand of himself, and simultaneously move on with taking care of me by placing myself higher on the list than I have been for the past few years.

With that, I have started working out at a gym regularly.  The first few weeks of doing classes at the gym I thought I might die from my body adjusting and the incredible amount of soreness I was feeling.  But now it is getting easier.  And it feels really good to be physically tired at night.  And my stress level is much lower.  Sweating and hard physical exercise does great things for one’s stress level.

And Don and I have been trying to plan fun things to do on the weekends and have a little more fun in general.  And that’s been nice!  We plan things to do and then if Rye wants to come, he comes,  If not, he either stays home or does something with a friend.   It’s nice now that he’s old enough to leave home alone so we aren’t chained to his needs.  And most times he even enjoys that time home by himself.  I thought that day might never come – but here it is.

Go figure.

The kid is growing up.

I don’t know about you but these crack me up!  Happy Mopey Easter, indeed.

Anyway, Happy Late Easter!  We had a good day.  Not your average Easter, but that’s fine.  No more egg hunts around here.  The Easter Bunny still comes and brings a basket of goodies but he no longer hides eggs.  Bummer.  And yesterday for the first time ever we didn’t have a traditional Easter meal of ham or turkey but instead had a picnic outside consisting of various international culinary delights.  It was great though.

And we didn’t go to church.  Yikes.  We did, however, begin to watch the 50’s classic movie ‘The Ten Commandments’.  And as much as I wondered about Don for wanting to watch it, about 10 minutes in and I was totally hooked.  Bad makeup, gold sandals, fancy male clip-on singular side ponytail braids, and all.  We are only about half way through and I’m so curious to know about how the story of Moses plays out.  My knowledge of the Old Testament is minimal at best so luckily I have great movies like these to play it out for me.

I hope everyone had a nice day.

___________

If you are feeling crafty,  you can learn to make the above Easter cups here.

Touche.

______

Anyhoo, Happy Friday!   I am so glad it’s the weekend.  Not that we have any fantastic plans or anything but it’s always nice to have a couple of days with Don home.

In the past few weeks we have been trying to adjust Rye’s meds.  We started with Lithium and it worked.  Then we went to a high dose (1200mg/day) and it didn’t work.  In fact, he very quickly got toxic.  So now we are back down.  Way down (300mg/day).  And it seems to be good [which brings up the whole topic of 'therapeutic' doses but we'll save that for another day].   We started with Cogentin and that worked.  Until it didn’t.  It turns out it is just way too strong for Rye to take daily.  It helped with muscle tension but over time it made him too relaxed and slow and made his speech heavy and slurry as his tongue was too relaxed (which may have been the Lithium as well but it was hard to tell).  So we are keeping that one for an ‘as needed’.  And we lowered the Seroquel.  We are to 50 mg/day.  Which seems to be plenty now with the Lithium on board.  And the Depakote is still at its regular level.   We’ll see how this combo plays out over the next few weeks.  Hopefully over time we can up the Lithium a little bit and with that get rid of the Seroquel but I think we need to go slow.

So, for now Rye is perky.  And alert.  And seemingly back to his regular self which it seems like a long time since we’ve seen.  Last weekend Don and Rye and I had a really nice time Saturday night going out to eat and then going to see the musical ‘Oklahoma’.  We sat in the front row of the theater so we could really feel the energy of the show and the performance was really good so we all really enjoyed. it.  The theater itself was spectacular.

Over the past few weeks I have not been working as hard as I need to be due to trying to get Rye straightened out.  I’m hoping next week to get back on a good schedule.

We found a psychologist for Rye.  He is an older gentleman (Rye’s preference) with over 30 years of experience and Rye starts seeing him weekly soon and I’m hoping that’s a good fit.  As it turns out, good therapists that see teens are hard to find.

Rye has decided that he is no longer mad at me about the move.  He was really angry at me for a long time after the move and I think that had a lot to do with his depression but he seems to be moving through that.  He told me a week or two ago that he is just tired of being mad at me.  Seems reasonable.  I’m glad he is not going to hold onto that forever as I can understand why he was mad but change is a part of life and we have to move through these feelings to move on and grow and start enjoying life again.

Don has started acupuncture and is really into it.  He says it really helps.  Rye and I will soon start seeing his practitioner as we have also both done this in the past and it has helped us as well.

And now we start planning for summer.  I’m not sure what the heck we are going to do with Rye this summer.  I’ve looked into teen adventure trips like Outward Bound for him but they are quite expensive and probably prohibitively so at this point.   At 14 he’s too old for day camps and still kind of young to get a job.  I guess I might look into some overnight camps.  Ughh.  Not easy.  What do most people do with 14 year olds in the summer?

Rye is getting excited about high school.  We have started registering and he is really excited about the elective classes they offer so that is fun to watch.  For a kid that pretty much hates school it’s nice to see him excited about something relating to school.

Rye has also grown.  He is now 6′4″ with his running shoes on.  And he is taking a fitness class in school that includes weight lifting where he can max out one of the weight machines so he’s pretty thrilled about that.  He can do pull-press reps of over 240 pounds.  Crazy.  The kid is a power house.   His fitness teacher is trying to get him strong enough to where if he plays football next year he can just pick up some of the players and move them out of his way.  That cracks me up.  And I’m not sure whether or not he wants to play football next year but it’s good to get in shape in the meantime.

And I guess that’s about it for now.  We are heading to the beach in a few weeks for Spring Break/Easter to use a beach house that one of Don’s clients let us use for free.  That will be really nice!  We’ve yet to go to the beach on this coast since the move and we are all looking forward to it.

Have a great weekend!

If I could morph into a taxidermied weasel, this would be me.

Thank you to The Bloggess for always making me laugh.  This is her new Weasel, Juanita.  I think I’ve looked at this picture ten hundred times already today and every time it makes me burst into laughter.

Man, I needed that.

….

[tattoo by Shane ONeill]

Rye told me yesterday that when he gets older he’s going to put a tattoo of my face on his chest.

Ummmm no, I say.

Yes, mom, I’m doing it, he says.  You and I are so close and that way you will always be with me and everyone will know how much you mean to me.

Please don’t, I say.  I can’t get excited about that.

He laughs. And laughs.

Mom, it will be awesome, he says. I’ll make sure it’s high quality.

Still, it doesn’t sound good, I say.  I’d prefer you not do it.

Mom, you are just going to have to trust me, he says.  I promise you it will be great.  Man, I can’t wait till I get older, he says.  It’s gonna be awesome!!

Oh yea, my thoughts exactly, I say, awesome.

And we both laugh.

And he hugs me tightly and tells me he loves me.

Here we are for the past week +.  I am the giraffe/elephant.  Rye is the bear.  I am exhausted.

After a good long stretch of stability, we have hit a bump in the road.  This past week Rye morphed into a person I have not seem in a very long time with symptoms I have not seen in a long time.  It’s tough to see.  It’s tough to handle.  And it’s taking a toll on all of us.

I have pulled Rye from school the past few days and with that I can see his psyche relaxing somewhat.  Next week he will return to school on a half day schedule.  I think that will help as far as school goes but I’m not sure.  Maybe not.

In addition to changes in school, Rye needs a med adjustment. We meet with the new psychiatrist in a little over a week and I am trying to get in sooner but don’t have any guarantees.  Appointments with child and adolescent psychiatrists are hard to come by.  I’m hoping to try Lithium when we do get in.

Right now I am worried for the future.  I know Rye is unstable but I’m not sure how to get back to normal.  He does not qualify for hospitalization as he is not a danger to himself or others.  He is ‘off’, though, and not functioning well.   He won’t do any of his sports, he can’t handle school.  And this isn’t just teen defiance. He is unwell. You can see it.  You can feel it.  For the first time in a long time I feel at a complete loss of where to go and what to do.  And Rye will barely leave my side, which is also not a good sign, so it’s hard to even have the time and freedom to call and research what to.

For the first time in a long time I really just feel like…I don’t know.

And we need some help.

_______

the art above is called ‘Tightrope Artist’ – I don’t know the artist who made it or I would give him or her credit here

http://drdrew.blogs.cnn.com/

Now,  am I the only one thinking… Conversion disorder??

Really?

These girls all attend the same high school.  They are all around the same age.  In all of them this illness came on suddenly and is now life altering.   To me, there is such a miniscule chance of this being conversion disorder and psychologically based.  This is some kind of toxin (be it a virus, a bacteria, a metal, a mold, a fungus) that these girls were all exposed to and is affecting them neurologically.  And someone needs to help them find out what it is. Now, may stress be exacerbating the symptoms?  Sure.  But that is not what is causing this.

And I’m really upset that they so far are leaving it to the State of New York to rule out physical causes.  That’s like leaving it to a pharmaceutical company or the FDA to tell you if a drug is safe or not.  Let’s get some real, unbiased help for these girls.  They deserve it.

As far as the show itself goes, here’s the part that really disturbed me.  As the show and interview were taking place, one of the girls fell to the floor in a seizure.  As the show rolled on and the burden was on the girl’s mom to care for her seizing daughter while continuing to answer questions on camera, Dr. Drew was very concerned for the girl and was visually distressed by the situation and concerned about the seizing girl’s well being-which was reassuring.  He continually asked how the girl was doing and showed great empathy for her and her mom’s situation.  Dr. Sharp [the Psychiatrist from Harvard Medical School], on the other hand, not so much.  Maybe it was just that he was trying to answer Dr. Drew’s questions, but Dr. Sharp continued to talk on through the crisis and through the seizure about how this is probably psychologically based and is caused by a disturbance in their psyche(s).  And he seemed to just think the seizure this particular girl was having right then and there was caused by the emotional stress of the interview, thereby affirming the hypothesis that this could be caused by conversion disorder.

To watch these girls and this family go through this horror and then be brave enough to share about it on television only to be told by a Harvard Psychiatrist that this is a psychological reaction to… what?  School stress?  As the girls are literally seizing and having massive tics and falling apart right there on camera.  Ughh.  It was terribly sad to watch.  And really disheartening.  And doesn’t speak very well for psychiatry, if you ask me.

It was unforgettable.

Going forward, I really hope these girls and their families get some high quality medical help from this exposure. Someone needs to step up and get these families some true comprehensive help.

Rye is skiing today and Don is catching up on sleep so I have a chance to sit and write and think.  Ahhhh.  I’m feeling myself exhale.  Lovely.  Rye’s been sick with a chest cold the past few days so I have not had much time to myself and it’s nice now to have a moment to regroup and let my mind sift out.

Things have been busy here.  Don is very busy at work and that occupies the majority of his waking time and energy and I am working hard to get my company up and running again.  As for my plight,  it’s really exciting but it’s not easy.  It’s a lot of work.  There is a lot of background work to do and that’s where I am now.  It will pay off in the end, though.  It will all be worth it in the end.  Generally the best things never come easy or everyone would do them, right?

As for Rye, he is doing well.  We went to the doctor yesterday for his cold and found out he’s grown again.  He is now just shy of 6′3″.  And we bought his first pair of size 15 shoes last week.  Growing, growing… I now have my own personal body guard.  It’s kind of nice, really.

As for other happenings…

…I met with Rye’s school regarding his psych/academic test results.  The meeting went well and although it was a bit sad in that the testing shows why he really struggles in school, the good news is that the testing [ in conjunction with the doctor note and diagnosis] qualifies him for the services he now receives (resource classes and a lot of accommodations) to continue into high school.  And that is good news.

…Rye got new (well, new to him) freestyle skis and brand new ski boots.  It was his late Christmas present from Don and I and he is loving them.  He skis every weekend with a student group and is practicing freestyle skiing.  As he says, the freestyle skis are a must because with them you can ski forward and backward.   Seems so fitting for him.

…I broke down and got a smart phone.  For work I need a real phone with a real phone service and good connections so I begrudgingly gave up my sans-contract ghetto prepaid phone, gave it to Rye, signed a 2 year contract, and got a smart phone.  I’m embarrassed to say, I’m kind of falling in love with the new phone.  At times I feel certain the phone might just be smarter than me and the voice command feature is just out of this world.

…I’ve gotten Don and Rye hooked on piling into bed and watching old TV miniseries.  We watched East of Eden with Jane Seymour and if you haven’t seen that, you need to. It was great.  Right now we are in the middle of Rich Man, Poor Man and it’s really good too.  We tried to start Winds of War but couldn’t really get into it.  Next we may watch The Thorn Birds.  I remember seeing that one as a kid but it’s been a long time.

…After a weekend a week or so back of feeling nearly crippled from what I guess is arthritis, I have now limited myself to eating sugar only one day a week (Saturdays) and I feel great.  No more aching.   It makes me think the sugar was acting as an inflammatory for me.  Time will tell.  If it can be fixed that easily, that will be nice.

…We saw the movie The Ides of March.  I’m not into politics at all (like I really hate politics) but it was a great movie.  I’d recommend it.

…Rye started on a new basketball team.  He likes it ok so far.

…We still need to find a good fit psychiatrist for Rye.  I’ve got to get on that next week.

And, I guess that’s about it for now.

Have a great weekend!

Or, ‘the thritis’ as Don and I call it.  One of my new challenges as we begin 2012 is that I’m getting arthritis.  Or at least I’m pretty sure that’s what it is.   It started late last year and it seems to be a steady part of my life now.  And it’s making me feel old and creeky.

Bummer.

I get it primarily in my wrists and ankles but sometimes it can be in other joints as well and it can really hurt.  Other days I don’t have it at all.

Ughh.

I’m not the spring chicken I used to be.

Wow.  New Year’s kind of snuck up on me this year.  We’ve been in a vacation coma of eating junk food and watching movies for over a week now and it just dawned on me yesterday that today is New Year’s Eve.   We don’t have any big plans for the evening.  I think we’ll grill steaks and I’m making a rum cake for the first time but that’s about it.  We’re still in hibernation mode resting to start the New Year – which is slated to be a big one for us.

As for 2011, it was a tough one.  2011 was a year of big decisions and big change for us.   We started the year with Rye homeschooling and with Don in a job that he enjoyed but in which he had reached the maximum potential as far as challenge and responsibility.  Don was under challenged, underpaid and left wanting for more.  With Rye still in middle school and Don in his mid 30’s, we needed to make some decisions.  Was where we were, where we wanted to be for the next 5 years?  With limited exciting job options for Don where we were and a move being required to get to better schools for Rye if he wanted to go back for high school, we realized the answer was no.  We decided where we lived was not the ideal place for Rye to go through high school.  We also decided that the time was now for Don to make a career move if he ever wanted to find his dream.

So, we looked and discussed.  We weighed the pros and cons of leaving what we knew to head out to something unknown. We weighed leaving the family and the friends and the house we loved to risk it all on an unknown.  We weighed the fact that we would need to find a new doctor for Rye and how would he fare leaving his friends and family?  Would we be risking the stability he had and possibly face another hospitalization due to the stress of the change?

But, with all that, we decided to chance it.  Don looked for a job and within weeks (and with the direct touch of a guardian angel, no doubt),  he found his dream job.  It was a risk.  And it was all the way across the country.  But it had promise.  It had everything he was looking for.  Literally, everything.

Fast forward 6 months and here we are.  West Coast residents.  With very few of our original possessions.  And Don loves, loves, loves his job.  In fact, he just got a promotion to start the New Year.  And with that will come greater financial stability for us.  And amazingly, Rye is back in public school full time.  He wanted to go.  With the move we found great public schools that offer great special education services and with that, Rye is able to do well in school.  And stay all day.  And he enjoys it.  And it still stresses him some, but not too much that he can’t go.  And he is learning, learning. learning.  And he sees and knows the value of an education because nearly every kid at his school now wants to go to college.  And it’s no joke to them.  Education is key where we live now.

And Rye’s stability has held.  He is still doing well.  No major fall aparts.  No crazy antics.  Not even a remote need for hospitalization.  He’s thriving.  And we are still looking for a permanent psychiatrist.  But sometimes that takes time and that’s ok.  That would be the case anywhere.

As for me, with Don and Rye doing so well I am about to go full steam ahead with my company.  I put it on hold for years as I was homeschooling Rye but now that that need is no longer there, it is time to get back to business.  And I am really looking forward to it!

So, as we say goodbye to 2011, I am happy.  It was a tough year.  But it has set us up for a great year to come in 2012 as we settle in and begin our new life out West.

And start working for our big dreams to come true.