Yesterday I did an interview for Mommy Lebron and the Bipolar Tuesday section of her blog, Rage Against The Washing Machine.

Check it out.

http://mommylebron.wordpress.com/2011/02/01/bipolar-tuesday-voices-from-the-front/

And thanks Mommy Lebron for contacting me to participate in this.

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In general what to find to be the biggest issue that bipolar disorder poses to your family?

The biggest issue we find with our son having Bipolar I is that our son needs a great deal of attention and assistance and this can be physically, emotionally and financially draining.  People in the ‘outside’ world really have no idea how much effort goes into just keeping him safe and sane and functioning well enough to where he appears fine to most of the people he encounters.  And ironically, as a teen he needs much more care and assistance than he did as a younger child.  But this is due to his bipolar symptoms really coming forth more with the teen years and the hormone fluctuations.

What do you find to be your most successful strategy in dealing with the issue?

We find our life works best right now with me staying home full time and homeschooling our son.  This requires a great deal of financial sacrifice as well as other sacrifices but we find it is worth it.  We found that regular school, even with a lengthy IEP, was a huge stress for him that triggered all kinds of problems (rages, psychosis, etc) and we could not keep him stable while in public school.  I will say, though, that this really did not become a problem until middle school.  But middle school is very different than elementary school in so many ways and that environment was toxic for our son.

What are some of the most wonderful qualities your child possess that you wish others could see more often?

Our son has a million wonderful qualities and luckily this is what people see most often when they see him.  He is funny, mostly outgoing, athletic, inquisitive, engaging, and the list goes on and on. Because he is an only child and because we spend so much time and energy helping him at home and ‘behind the scenes’ most people only see the positive sides of him and that is good.   And when they do see him act out or struggling most of them already know he is bipolar and so they fairly understanding.   And if they aren’t, we don’t need them in our lives anyway.

If you could make on change to your child’s IEP, what would it be?

We don’t use an IEP anymore because we homeschool but when he was in public school he had nearly every accommodation available.  Extended time, mark in the book, read aloud, separate testing area, preferred seating, etc.  And they were all important.  In middle school all of the accommodations in the world were not enough for him as the classes were big (some 30+ kids and the small class assistance he had in elementary school had been cut from budget cuts) and not all of the teachers followed the IEP.  Also, the changing of classes, changing of teachers, overwhelmed teachers, the immaturity of the kids, social issues (girls/boys/sex/drugs/fights) all proved to be too much for him.  However, were he to have stayed in public school I think the most important IEP accommodations would be to have a safe place for him to go in the school that is quiet when he gets overwhelmed and the ability to turn in late assignments and get credit for them.

What is the most important aspect of raising a bipolar child?

Keeping a positive attitude.  It can be hard but it’s really important.  These kids struggle more than most parents will ever realize. They deal with internal battles and thought dysfunction that most parents will never understand.  And they also take on the emotions, stress and struggle of those around them as their own.  So, as hard as it can be, as a parent it is really important to keep your own emotions in check and model positive, strong, consistent and low emotion behavior.  It makes a huge difference in how your child or teen reacts to the world around them and how safe they feel, and how safe they feel directly impacts their behavior and attitude.

Check the video out.  It’s really interesting.

I definitely have one of the kids that is told at school that they will never succeed in life because they can’t get the ‘one right answer’.  And yet, this same child can find so many alternate answers if anyone would just ask about them or be open to them.

Thanks to Christine at www.welcometomybrain.net for posting this video for me to see and pass on.

So, as you know by now, we have a few difficulties with the school Rye attends.  And that would be a gross understatement.  Without going back over it all, suffice it to say this is not the most enlightened, progressive, or proactive public school in the world.  Or, even in our county  (which, by the way, has a huge discrepancy as to the level of education, facilities and services they provide to different schools within the county, some of which are only 5 minutes from each other).  Anyway,  after complaining ad nauseum to everyone under the sun, writing endless emails, and generally becoming a thorn in the side of the county, we are now maybe, hopefully making some progress.  And as of yesterday, Rye now has a Behavior Intervention Plan (BIP) as a part of his Individualized Education Plan (IEP).

What is a Behavior Intervention Plan?  As of a few months ago, I had never heard of one despite the fact that Rye has had an IEP since the first grade.  Because honestly, up until now and before he attended Fast Times at Ridgemont Middle (lets just call his school this for now) he never needed one.  And, I’m sure even now in a different environment or a private school with small classes, he would not need one again.  Nonetheless, we must live in reality.  Fast Times is where we are now and the classes are huge and the special education support is lacking so this is what we work with now.

Anyway, back to the BIP.  The Behavior Intervention Plan is a federal legal document (as is the IEP)  that is included as a part of a student’s IEP.  The function of this plan is to identify behaviors that the student has as a result of their psychiatric diagnosis that interfere with his or her learning or the learning of those around them and then to help the child in a positive manner correct and replace that behavior.   It is also used to help the child stay in school for the full day and this helps with learning as well.

The most important thing about this plan:  It protects your child from inconsistent and/or improper correction or punishment from teachers or administrators.

And if you have a special needs child in a public school, this is something that should concern you. Particularly in middle and high school.

The Behavior Intervention Plan is a federal legal contract enforceable under federal law.

The BIP is based on a Functional Behavioral Assessment (FBA) that is performed by one’s school psychologist [note: the term psychologist is used loosely here because for public schools the psychologist is rarely a PhD but rather a master's level therapist, which in any other circumstance would not have the title psychologist].  The school psychologist observes the child over a series of days and different classsroom settings, talks to teachers, talks to administrators, and develops a plan of problem/targeted behaviors and then develops a plan for the teachers to positively and proactively help the student change these behaviors a little bit at a time.

Now, I’ll admit, having the luck we’ve had with this school so far, I was really hesitant to see what was going to become of these observations and discussions and how objective the school psychologist was going to be.  Luckily in the meeting, though, I found I was pleasantly surprised.  She seemed reasonable and neutral in her bias and that was nice.

So, why is this plan worth having?  Well,  it makes is so the teachers and administrators to have to follow a pre-determined and mutually pre-agreed upon plan of correction for undesirable behaviors and to help the child replace those problem behaviors with constructive, positive behaviors.  It keeps you child out of unnecessary and/or overused time in ISS (suspension) and from being randomly punished for behavior related to their diagnosis.   And this is something we personally have had a big problem with in our school.  Teachers over-punishing for small behaviors and punishing in whatever manner they see fit, without any positive anything coming from it  except anger, frustration, lost time in the classroom and an increasingly hostile environment.

Now, will this plan work?  Will the teachers and administrators adhere to it?  If previous and present adherence to the IEP without this new plan is any indication, the answer is no.

But we will hope for the best.  And prepare for the worst.  In the case of the worst, we will file for due process.

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Please note:  If you have a child diagnosed with ADHD and/or Bipolar Disorder, your child qualifies for an IEP with a note from your doctor stating the diagnosis under the category of Other Health Impaired (OHI).

Today is back to school day here at the homestead.

I’m excited and nervous all at the same time.  Excited to have some time to myself.  Excited to get back into a routine.  Excited to not be on 24/7 kid duty. However, I’m nervous as well.  Rye’s school is not the pride and joy of the public school system.  They don’t have great test scores, they don’t have a lot of money or great equipment, they don’t have famous alumni or even a great track record of following IEPs.  There is something really complex about IEPs that they can’t seem to get.  Apparently the concept of Federal Law is a real mind bender.   But alas, Don and I are a united front this year and we have an advocate to help as well.  If the school can follow the IEP, we are good.  We are happy.  Blissful, even.  If not (and God Bless Them, they have already tried to not follow it with regard to scheduling before school even started), we are going to be on them.

On them, on them, on them, on them.

Have a good day at school, Rye!

It’s kind of a weird thing, really. 

I’m having a really hard time with it all.  It’s harder than I thought it would be.  He is at a hospital hours from home and luckily I have someone in the city Rye is in to stay with so I am able to be near him but man am I drained.   It’s hard for me to come to terms with everything.   Luckily Don is staying very calm and rational about it all and he is being very helpful.  I am so very grateful for that.

So far we don’t know anything more than when we came in last week but a new team of doctors start on his case today (it’s a teaching hospital) and Don said they are starting educational testing on him today which is wonderful.  We desperately need this testing as our school system/county has been more than negligent about doing it and he really has not been tested in many years  – they just kept updating his IEP with no relevant testing.

I am taking a break from visiting him for a couple of days.  He is really playing on my sympathy/guilt when I visit him and it is keeping me from being able to make rational decisions for him.  That is hard too.  I often wonder how we got to this point.  But then I realize that we got to where he was keeping us all in such a state of constant activity and chaos that no one had much time to think about anything.  We got to the point where all we were doing was reacting.   And it breaks my heart that I feel I can’t trust him now.  But then I just have to tell myself he is not well  and he is where he needs to be.  He has definitely become a different kid than the one I know he is when he is not struggling so much internally.   And I desperately miss the old Rye.  The real Rye.

I guess that’s it for now.   Hopefully they make progress this week so we can start to get some answers.   And I need to get some rest.

It’s over.  Take the pig head off the stake.  Put the bonfire out.  Wipe the warpaint off your faces.  And before you kill the kid with the glasses, we are out.   Over and out.

The adults are back in charge.  Sanity is restored.

And we all exhale…

Goodbye public school.

Hello new world.

Well, it’s done for now.  It was very tense and 2.5 hours long and we still didn’t cover everything.  But we did get Rye a shortened day.  And he will no longer have Social Science or Science classes for the rest of the year.  We’ll just focus on reading, writing, and math.  I’m happy with that.  He is really behind and needs to focus on those classes for a while.  I mean, if he can’t read and write well it isn’t easy to learn much else for peet’s sake.

What a long day.

I’m pooped.

I was watching “19 Kids and Counting” tonight and Michelle Duggar said this about her kids and homeschooling, the world is a classroom.   I thought it was great.   Because it’s so true.  And I wonder, is “out-of-school schooling” better for some kids that “in-school schooling”?  Could be.  And I may have one of those kids.

Now, on a slightly unrelated note, I have a not-so-secret desire to be a Duggar.  So my opinion on all of this is biased.  I just love them.  Their kids are so calm and pleasant and mature and responsible and courteous, etc. etc. etc.  I find it just really amazing.  And wonderful to see.  Granted, their kids don’t seem to have any neurological struggles as mine does.  Nonetheless, they inspire me.  And I wonder if they would all still be that way if they had to go to public school for 8 hours a day.  But alas, we’ll never know.

Anyway, Rye is out of school this week.  He told me today he does not want to go back to regular school.  He wants to homeschool.  He says there is too much drama and chaos at the school and life is much calmer not going.  And he doesn’t mind doing schoolwork.  He just can’t take the atmosphere there.   I guess it was fun for a while and then it all got to be too much.  Way too much.  And with everything that has happened in the past few months that makes perfect sense.  So, now I wait until the IEP meeting on Monday and see what we can come up with.  I suggested to Rye maybe a happy medium would be a half day at school but he’s luke warm on that idea right now.  I guess we’ll just see.  I have to work part time so we’ll have to do something.  I am intrigued though to think about all of the things he could learn if he wasn’t in a classroom all day.  Especially since now he has no art, music or related art classes (foreign language, careers, computers)  at school.  The possibilities are endless.

Anyway, it is my experience that a lot of special needs kids homeschool so the parents can create the atmosphere the kids need to be happy and successful.  And focus on the child’s strengths vs their weaknesses.  We’ve actually done it before and it worked really well.  Rye was a much calmer, more mature, less frantic kid.  I  guess we’ll just see what the future brings.

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D’jew find jew anything, Mae?

Yea,  sissy, I found me a really nice Bible.  Who’d've thought?  Right here in this store.

And it’s beautiful.

This was the conversation I overheard in the Goodwill store yesterday.  Don and I were in a town south of us that I would definitely consider to be the deep South.  It looks like it’s been lost in time, and that description would be generous.  We like to shop for books at the Goodwill store there because the store is large and bright and welcoming and hardback books are $1.00 each.  And you’d be surprised what a great selection they have.  Apparently these ladies felt the same way.

This week has been a long one over here.   But things are looking up.  Rye seems to be really decompressing now that he is out of school and will be for this coming week as well.  His whole body and psyche seem to be relaxing.  It’s nice to see.  This is not to say, however, that he will do no schoolwork this week.  I am going today to buy workbooks so that we can work on math and reading comprehension every day this week.  I need to see where he is and get him caught up on what probably is a great deal of material.  I have a feeling I’ll have my work cut out for me.  But that’s ok.  I’m ready.

In other news, I am starting my consulting business back up.  I started this business a couple of years ago and had good success with it but then had to put it on hold due to some extenuating circumstances.   I am uber excited to start it again.  It’s time.  I have missed it.   Substitute teaching is nice but I’m ready to go back to being my own boss.  And go back to having adult conversations.  And client visits.  And client lunches.  And checks made out to me.  And all that jazz.   And in all honesty, I see a decent amount of homeschooling  in my future with Rye as I’m not holding my breath on the school to do the right thing so this will provide me with a good balance of adult world and child/teen world and ultimately a much better income.  And I can do it part time.

As far as the school situation goes, we are making headway and are getting an IEP meeting scheduled.  I have a special needs advocate from a non-profit agency coming to the meeting with me that knows the laws and this county’s schools inside and out.  This will be a huge, huge help.  She has helped me before and is an angel on earth, as far as I’m concerned.   This will happen in the next week or so.

And, that’s about it for now.  There is much to look forward to over here.

Onward and upward.

When underwater, the world above is muffled.  The sounds are hardly detectable.  The sight is blurred.  And the weight of the water pushes on the body like a gentle, loving embrace.

Rye is out of school now until the school can come with a better plan for him.  Being a victim to physical assault and gross disregard for and refusal to follow IEP plans are issues that one must not ignore.  And as he wound up and up and up with the situation at hand, I finally decided he had had enough.   I placed the burden on the school system after all that they have done to him, and yanked him out.

Yesterday the healing process began.  Tensions were still high as he had his defenses up and was ready to fight the fight.  Today he is realizing he has been rescued.  It is sinking in.  He is exhaling.

And it is unrecognizably serene here at the homestead.

I can’t remember the last time the atmosphere in the house was this relaxed.

It is calm.