Raising Bipolar

For the first few days of this week school was out and we were snowed in and so Rye was allowed to ride his ATV over the river and through the woods to a friend’s house for part of the day each day.   It was an adventure to get there and was apparently quite an adventure once he was there.  During the last day he went out Rye and his friend went to a large field with a large hill to go sledding.  While there they connected with another kid and the tales of intrigue that ensued are hilarious.  The other night as he sat and told me the story I nearly wet my pants I was laughing so hard.  He was so shocked and intrigued by his experience that his telling of the story could not have been any more funny.  I will never be able to do it justice by retelling it here so I won’t really try but here are some of the phrases that were used in his explanations.

They live in the woods.  The have a house but the house is so odd because although we were inside, it was like we were outside.  The whole house was made of plywood.  The floors, the sides of the house, the roof – all plywood – like an outbuilding.  There were no interior walls,  just sheets nailed up that separated the rooms.   The house had no heating or air conditioning.  They used a propane heater.  There was one bathroom.  If you needed to use the bathroom and someone was already in there they had a 5 gallon bucket with a toilet seat glued to it in the living room that you could use.  Just sit on it and use it.   Right there.  The house smelled of poop, cigarettes and dogs.  They had 3 dogs – all small.  In the kitchen there was a refrigerator and an old stove that was covered in rust.  They did have a lot of food.  They get food stamps.   They smoke and throw their cigarette butts on the floor of the house.  They also dip and spit.  On the floor.  Of the house.  On the floor of the inside of the house.  Each of them has about 3 teeth left because they never brush their teeth.  The kid is 17 and still in the 9th grade.  He can’t drive yet.  They have one car and the car is nice but it’s missing the bumper off the back side.  The one nice thing in the house is a gun safe and the dad is ready and willing to use his 12 gauge shotgun at a moment’s notice. He says there’s no problem his 12 gauge can’t fix.  The dad is huge and drinks beer.  A lot of beer.  The dad does work but seems to spend all of his money on beer, cigarettes and dip.   Four people live in the house – the dad, the mom, the grandmother (who is tiny but hearty and will apparently slap the tar out of you if you cross her) and the son.   They are all really nice but I had a hard time understanding them because their accents are so heavy.  I’m not sure what kind of accent they have.  Redneck, I guess.

As Rye was telling me the story, despite the fact that the whole thing was hilarious,  I could not help but have a little concern about him going to this house.  However, apparently they only stayed long enough to get another sled and then were on their way back to the fields.  And Rye was so intrigued by the whole experience that is was beyond hilarious to hear him tell the story.  It’s amazing how much one can take in and process in a span of 10 minutes.

As he concluded the account of his experience he said:

They were really nice people but boy, I would not want to live that.  That’s a little too county for me.

That’s more like, hillbilly.