Things happen for a reason. I believe this to be true.
We had a very strange day over here. It started with Rye being off the charts and me just about wanting to send him to the hospital and then it ended in almost a completely different direction.
We drove by the school this evening on our way to take Rye to meet a friend to go to church. As we drove past the school, I actually had a physical reaction to what I saw. This is not the place for him. I felt it. I could literally physically feel it in my body as we passed. All of it. The tension, the fights, the negative words, the suspension trailer, the frustration, the anguish, the chaos, the overcrowding, the lack of funding, the desperation, the outdated equipment, the dilapidated basketball courts, the unhealthy lunches, the occasional happy moment, the vicious report card, the hate, the fear, the waste of time.
Not for all kids. But for my kid. Because my kid cannot tune out anything happening around him. So he takes it all in. And it overwhelms him. And scares him. And frustrates him. And it consumes all of his energy just to maintain and cope with the environment.
And it dawned on me. We are now wasting time. He is 12. Soon to be 13. I don’t want this school and this environment shaping the person he becomes. And with a kid like mine, that can happen. He is very influenced by his surroundings.
And so I make a decision. Full time public school is now out for him. Period. And probably even half-time. I’m still on the fence about that.
I want to live a life of purpose. And love. I want him to live a life of purpose. And love.
I want him to know that it is imperative that he respect himself and others. That he value himself and others. That he honor himself and others. That he love himself and others. That his life should be geared around celebrating and fostering his strengths and accepting and minimizing his weaknesses.
It is most important to me that he live the hours of his days in an atmosphere that is relaxed, accepting, and loving. And I’m not willing to sacrifice that for him to spend 8 hours a day to learn the material of 4 textbooks with one break for PE. It’s not worth it.
He went to church tonight and enjoyed it. He wants to go again Sunday.
We all learn as we go. As it’s all about the journey.
And for us, right now, at this time in our life, there’s no place like home.
9 Comments
I have some experience with what is technically home schooling in my state. My son has multiple learning disabilities, one on one with a tutor he is an A student, in a classroom, hard work will bring a C. For several years we have straddled the fence of compromise, with tutors teaching him the core academic subjects privately, and a small private school as the setting for electives and sports.For him, its perfect. Education in this country is failing for a lot of reasons, funding being huge, but just as important is the notion that “one size fits all”. It just doesnt, not in life and not in school. I often wonder if some of the tremendous rate of medicating of school children cant be laid at the feet of the idea that “one size fits all” and if it doesnt fit you, then you have a mental illness or neurological deficit and need drugs.
And whatever, Thomas Jefferson, George Washington, Thomas Edison, Booker T Washington, Harriet Tubman, Frederick Douglass, Abraham Lincoln–the list of great people of accomplishment who were “home schooled” would stretch pretty far.
He’ll be fine, whatever the decision that is right for him turns out to be.
Good for you! You know what’s best for your child.
Powerful writing! I am so inspired by you. That you are able to listen to your instincts and follow through with the wisdom gained is a show of strength. I am going to follow your example!
I truly do believe that things happen for a reason. We were chosen to be mom’s to our special kids because we are the best. We have a special gift to love these children and know what is best for them – more than anyone else.
you inspire me!
I’ve had that gut feeling about a place before too. I think listening to it is the right thing to do.
I think things do happen for a reason. It seems like you are on the right track. Homeschooling, and all of the subjects and things that can be learned, sounds exciting. To me, anyway
HB
Thank you so much for all of your comments. You literally made me cry.
Rye is falling apart. Something about the attack from the teacher (his words) have triggered him into a downward spiral that is getting out of control fast. We go see the doc in a little bit and we are going to ask for an outpatient hospital scenario. He’s in a bad place and needs help and I feel terribly sorry for him and just want him to be ok. This is way beyond anything I can fix on my own.
I’m sorry to hear that the stress of the teacher attack has been so hard on Rye. Stress has a way of triggering the mood episodes. It sounds like you have a good plan. I hope that it pans out well and that Rye gets the help he needs.
HB
I was a bipolar special needs kid before it was commonly diagnosed in kids. I wish my parents would have had the access to knowledge and support that you and Rye have. But it’s not their fault that I didn’t get the help I so desperately needed until much, much later. If you need a bright side to look on, consider it a gift that you aren’t a parent of a bipolar child 30 years ago!