Sorry about the coke though, no shipments to be expected, LOL.

I think explaining your son’s background helps, because otherwise readers (like me)take it as face value that you may have had an “aha” moment, of “hey I think I will show him all of the people w/problems to learn a lesson by in an AA meeting”.

Anyway, discussions are always good!

http://www.mindhacks.com/blog/2010/03/cocaine_surgery_and.html

LOL..sniff sniff

There is a key component which you may have misplaced within the nature verses nurture argument; That family are not the primary influences in everyone’s life, peer groups and associations may very well be just as large a factor in substance abuse and addiction as immediate family members. In fact situational life forces (stressful events and trauma) can also play key rolls in whether someone might look to a substance for relief or not.

I did not negate that there maybe some biochemical (genetic if you may) forces also in play than can make one person more susceptible and another not. I don’t believe we have the science to make those concrete kinds of determinations in the addiction spectrum anymore than we can in the mental health arena. There are just to many variables that must be figured into any equation to make those types of substantive calls.

I would also like to clarify that it was my personal opinion which stated information and consequences should be discussed in depth and at great length, especially in situations where they have played such a powerful and significant force in a particular family’s life. I only disagreed with some reasonable concerns/reservations that an adult AA meeting might not be the most appropriate place to immerse a 12 old about the evils of addiction. I also wouldn’t agree with taking child into a maximum security prison to mingle with the inmates would be an appropriate mechanism of teaching a child consequences associated with crime.

I gather we can agree to disagree at that level.

Let’s say that I had tried cocaine in the past. And let’s say that Stan tried it. I tried it once or twice, moved on and didnt develop a “taste” for it. Stan tried it once, twice, three times and what do you know? Stan cant stop. Both Stan and I have a switch in our brain chemistry or body chemistry–his flipped, mine didnt.

I agree that “nuture vs nature” plays a big part, but that cant explain the families with one alcoholic or one drug addict, with everyone else not even having the urge. Learned behavior does not explain it either. In my mother’s family, her father was an alcoholic. A blind stinking drunk kind of guy. My mother did not drink, her two brothers did not drink, HER mother did not drink.

My brother, two first cousins from one uncle, two from the other uncle were either drunks or drug addicts. Remember, none of our parents drank at all, complete tee totallers as well as our grandmother. Learned behavior, something that they observed from our grandfather and emulated?
Nuh-uh. He died before all of us were born, none of us ever even met him. And, they didnt learn the behavior from one another either, we grew up in different parts of the country and saw each other three times a year at most. How to explain the 7 of us who are neither alcoholics NOR drug addicts and never were? 5 switches flipped, 7 did not. That argues strongly for genetic tendency to me, anecdotal though it might be, study after study proves it in.

A) Do supposed genetic predispositions lead to actual outcome.
B) Do self projections and predicted outcome lead to preemption
C) Does a scared straight philosophy show positive results when used before there is any actual problem to be confronted.
D) Do our own fears, history, and insecurities actually have an effect on predicting future behaviors in children (you could call it the “crystal ball syndrome”)

Just from a personal prospective, I’m not so sure I buy into the whole sins of the father are passed on to the son/offspring premise.

I have seen the pendulum swing both ways to often to say there are definitive conclusions to be drawn either way. Sure there are many instances where offspring of those with addictive problems follow the pattern and become ensnared themselves in similar situations. Yet. there are just as many instances where the opposite occurs with no deemed adherent behavioral traits.

Nature verses nurture; or is it a little handful of this and a pinch of that?

I’m all for open communication and some complete honesty discussions in regards to past family behaviors and actions that could possibly predict a future problem. Quite often some frank airing of these realities and the consequences related to them are without doubt justified.

Though, I would be very careful on how far to take such measures in apprehension that a silent lurking label might be unknowingly created, which could be construed as an unspoken expectation to be fulfilled as some form of predisposed manifest destiny.

Preemption is a touchy area that I personally believe is best to be tread upon lightly .I hope we would not start medicating someone because they may or might develop some form of disease in the future. I would also be weary to the problem that when we begin to look for something earnestly, unfortunately we often find what isn’t there.

I would also hope in a similar light that we would not overreact by exposing the innocent to an environment that could have negative ramifications/repercussions out of our own fear for undetermined events or outcomes that may not ever be manifested in true reality.

I guess you must ask yourself the hard questions when making these kinds of choices; is this about an actual problem occurring before me, or am I reacting to personal fear and pain from prior events not truly related to the actual situation presenting itself.

Some times a reaction/preemption without the correct basis or foundation, can have unintended or opposite results.

It been said: be-careful what seeds you plant and where you plant them; for from a seed grows many things, and with this act roots will surely take, and from this soil and place it shall be nourished, for as time itself hastens growth, this bared fruit result in kind has no predictable tell of ripened good nor bad.

I actually think he will enjoy the experience and it will be a relief to him. And my guess is he will have a million questions for whoever he can talk to. He’s a talker and he’s a kid that like directness, honesty and truth. In fact, one time a few years ago he went to a church group session for kids with parents with drug and alcohol problems and he found it to be greatly relieving. He went completely on his own based on his confusion and questions regarding bio-dad. I didn’t even know he had gone until after the fact. And he really enjoyed it – he could not stop talking about it. He may not live with bio-dad and has not for many years but bio-dad is always in his mind and for that reason lives strong in his life.

Yes, genetics could be a factor, but basically his direct influence will be (where he lives now, who he hangs out with) and ultimately it will be his personal choice and living life is all based on choices, mistakes and learning from them.

Parents need to allow the kids at this age to begin to test their own convictions, think for themselves and live with consequences.