I am not having a great day over here. We had a great weekend and Rye had a great weekend but his was a little too great and a he was brought home little too late yesterday evening. And so, as is so predictable, he did not make it to school today.
I really could just gnaw my foot off for letting this happen. It’s my fault. I let him stay out too late yesterday and do too much in total this weekend.
He got 12 hours of sleep last night but didn’t have enough awake time at home yesterday to transition for the week ahead and get mentally ready for school. And so here we are.
And, in a not-so-proud moment, I completely lost it this morning when he would not go to school. I mean I got really freaking mad. It’s my fault this happened because I know he needs that transition time from the weekend but sometimes I’m just not in the mood to so carefully monitor everything and be the perfect, strong, resilient, consistent parent that he needs. And sometimes the whole thing just drives me nuts.
I’m just not feeling very patient or understanding today.
He’s better go to school the rest of the week or things will get very ugly around here.
Mom ain’t taking no more crap.
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Ok, I will go out on a very perilous limb here in the comment section and express an opinion.
(Of course after the bathroom fight situation there might be some anxiety going on, but this is called facing life, facing problems, and the reality of school/peers. This could be a possible conversation if he brings it up under his terms and comfort level)
Parent: “Get up, get ready, and go to school”
Child: “Hem and Haw, whine and refuse in earnest”
Parent: (angry and frustrated) “You need to get up and get ready. I have had just about enough and have reached my limit”.
Child: (sticks feet in the mud and refuses) may even starts some sort of abhorrent behavior or non-compliance to push parents buttons even further to the point of giving in.
Parent and child are now home for the day.
Possible solution and reaction: no TV, No computer games, no fun stuff; today is no fun chore day, lots of cleaning, endless organizing, some homework, then some yard work thrown into the mix. (not about how well the chores get done, but about creating the situation of making some uncomfortable choices in future)
This could become the set standard for stay home from school days. Yes, there will be resistance, but what do you think the next “I don’t feel like going to school day” decision might be after a few no fun days at home?
Just a thought.
When was the fight in the bathroom? he sounds like he has Monday school anxiety, anxiety in general. What was he doing to be brought back home later than he should have? is another question that came to mind, to assess the behavior and get behind it, based on his actions.
He’s 12, he’s a boy about to turn into a man, he sees a psych who talks about a subject that humiliated him, and of all things has to tell Mom about it! ack!
Is Dad home?
When my daughter had crippling school anxiety, if she didn’t go to school we went to a museum or something and she wrote a report about it, and handed it into IEP teacher for credit.
He has to take his anxiety and channel it somewhere else, and that is how a medication cannot help this matter. He should have a school counselor make a plan for when he has school anxiety, and meet at their office that morning, or consider a “late start” added to the IEP, (my daughter had one)so he does go to school, just 1-2 hours later.
I’m curious about the dynamics if Dad takes part in the psych appts,etc, because most moms I have known over the years dealing with kids with the pediatric bp dx are doing it on their own, and a male influence at the appointment can often change outcome of the situation. Just a thought.
Yea, that psychiatrist is out and I’m not looking for another one any time soon. After thinking a lot about it I decided the whole thing was just a bad deal all the way around. And this doc is the one who gave him the Adderall in the first place which gave him the psychosis etc. etc. and restarted us down this whole mess – the same mess we went through when he was 5/6 years old. We will get an appointment with a neurologist though to check for seizures. That needs to be done.
Right now Rye is out on the treadmill. I got on it for an hour and he has to stay on it for 30 minutes. It does us both good to exercise and reset our brains and moods.
As for dad, he’s at work right now. He does participate in Rye’s appointments – typically he takes him to every other appointment. Most of the heavy work with Rye is on me though as I’m at home and dad is tired when he gets home. Dad does spend time with Rye most evenings though.
Rye was with grandma this weekend. He had a great time but was overindulged – I guess that’s what grandmas are supposed to do but I should have required him to be home earlier yesterday – that most likely would have avoided this whole mess.
Rye has not had a great day today, trust me on this. I think he will happy to go to school for the rest of the week.
And I agree that there is school anxiety. And with the amount of fights there it is understandable. But today was just not the day for this for me. I was not in the mood and sometimes I just get drained as I’m not naturally a structured or you do this, you get that type of person. And that’s the way Rye needs me to be. To me I think you should just do the right thing because it’s the right thing to do. And sometimes he does that. But he needs everything to be so concrete and laid out for him it just goes against my loosey-goosey nature and is challenging for me.
My daughter needs structure, a schedule, even back during school vacations,etc. does he volunteer? that was a great outlet for my daughter from age 12-17 worked regularly at 2 places, a food bank and the pet food bank at the humane society. Maybe something like that can be added in according to his interests. Just thinking out loud!
I like the idea of volunteering too, an outlet for energies and also a relatively safe place and situation to begin exploring “being on your own” kind of thoughts.
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