Well, yesterday was the psychiatrist appointment.
It turned out to be a bit of a bust. I took Rye out of school early and we came home for lunch to transition. Then as we were trying to get out the door to drive up there he completely fell apart and did not want to go. He was crying and turned into a total bag of tears about he was scared of me dying and for some reason he thought I was 49 years old and told all of his teachers that I am 49 and his dad is 29 (where the hell this came from I have no idea – I am not 49 and Don is not 29).
And what is he going to do when he is 60 and I am dead? And where will he live when he’s 18? He wants to live next door to us but then he wants to live far away from us. And it went on and on. Then he said his teachers were saying in class how he would not want to be around his parents anymore during his teen years and this scared him because he likes to be with his parents and does not want to be away from us (he has some pretty hefty separation anxiety). In response I told him I have no plans of dying anytime soon and when he turns 18 he is welcome to live next door to us or on the other side of the world if he wants. Whatever he needs to do. Also, it’s fine to hang out with me and Don during his teen years or forever – he does not have to not like us during his teen years. That is ridiculous.
Anyway, it finally simmered down but he did not want to go talk to the psychiatrist. Apparently the last time he was there they had a discussion about masturbation that put Rye over the edge. I’m sure the doctor was trying to be helpful as he probably thinks Rye does not talk to us about these things and was trying to be cool and hip but he was wrong and it freaked Rye out and he would not go back. So, I went and talked to the doctor instead for the hour while Rye waited in the car. The doc seemed a bit hurt that Rye would not talk to him but whatever. I’m not going to force my kid to talk about masturbation with someone he sees once or twice a month if he doesn’t want to. Forget it.
The doctor and I talked for the hour and the consensus is that we need to get an EEG to see about the seizures but that seizures or no seizures there is a definite mood disregulation issue with Rye so there are most likely both components. I told him about that ‘going to California’ incident and he said that does sound more like a seizure. He also said though that it’s important to be careful in comparing bipolar in children/teens to adults with bipolar becasue they don’t look the same. Children/teens have more of a mood regulation issues rather than always the true hardcore mania/deep depressions that adults get. And this does fit Rye. He definitely has mood regulation issues.
We decided trying Depakote would be the next step to try and smooth things out a bit and help with seizures as well but he does not want to do anything until we get the EEG. And we can’t get that until April due to our being between insurance plans right now and having to make an appt with a neurologist. So, we will be our same selves for a while here [unless, that is, we had some local gladiator blood in which case we could try this. But alas, we don't].
Anyway, we left and Rye was perky and pleasant for the rest of the night.
And he made it to school on time today. That always feels like a great accomplishment over here.
8 Comments
Here comes the shoe with gum stuck to the bottom that annoyingly leaves comments —
Depakote caused weight gain in my daughter as well as several other 12 yr old boys in her class at the time that were placed on it after they became agitated and psychotic on ADHD meds in 1999 (I had joked what was in the water in the neighborhood and it turns out it was a common psychiatrist giving this childhood bipolar go on Depakote, Lithobid Zyprexa cocktail to MANY kids).
The kids actually called it “depakote bloat” and they had gas, and would let loose anywhere and everywhere even in class because it couldn’t be helped.
I’d consider a second opinion, it would be good to teach your son how doctors work for him because he needs a rapport with one first before any drugs and diagnoses happen, in my opinion, and a lot of talk before dx’s is enormously important at this age, he is full of changing hormones and worry, that is normal for this age.
Definitely do not start depakote before an EEG or the results will be skewed.
I would again find a neuropsychologist for him, they can address the brain better and address meds if that comes up. Not going to get anything from a psychiatrist except meds, it’s what they do. Even this new doctor of my daughter’s after a decade of this, is making sure she discharges to a neuropsychiatrist now for her out patient care. Trust me, once in the med game and all, it will be hard to pick apart behaviors and what is normal and what is medication induced. You can delete this if you want to!
Hi Meg,
I am really enjoying your blog– thought provoking and tender. My 10 y/o daughter has all of these separation worries, too. Do you think it is an only child thing? She doesn’t like to hear that one day she’ll want to have her own life and want to be out in the world without us. It makes me laugh a bit as I couldn’t WAIT to strike out on my own and now my life couldn’t be more entwined with my parents. Weird, huh?
xoxo-Kelly O
Stephany you are funny – I am not going to erase your comment. You have some very valid points. We are actually going to wait on the meds and see what the Neurologist says so it will be a few months before anything happens and not without his/her opinion. But I was told Depakote can cause weight gain. I have a Neuropsychologist in the family and that person thinks the problems read more like someone with a head injury/brain damage/seizures (which would explain the ld’s as well). So we’ll wait and see. I’m not big on medication unless Rye has too many incidents where he is a danger to himself or someone else. However, the family doc does say Depakote is often used on people with head injuries to help with mood fluctuations associated with that so they were in favor of that med if we need one.
I think you did the right thing. Just from your description, something sounds fishy about the psychiatrist. Why should he feel bad that Rye didn’t want to see him? It might just be exactly as Rye described, or he may not have provided the whole truth about why he didn’t want to see the psychiatrist, or it might just be a ‘gut feeling.’ I’ve sure had experiences where I don’t want to see someone even though I can’t pinpoint it. Sometimes it’s hard to figure out if an emotional reaction is based in external reality, but it’s sure possible that Rye has every reason to not want to see that doc. I’m glad that you respected his wishes. Hopefully there are other psychiatrists to choose from.
I’m not quite sure what to derive from reading this?
I will say in my personal opinion we need to stop using pathogenic medical modalities to label the very broad range of normal child development. How about the novel concept of just letting kids be kids no matter how strange this may appear to our adult judgments, rational, and insecurities.
(I know this will seem somewhat foreign and unsettling to many of those so called “enlightened/modern” parents)
Maybe there is such a innate human disconnect from ourselves in these times of the new accelerated light speed quick fix informational oriented society that we forget we were once not so different in all reality from this strange phenomena we label “abnormality” unjustly upon kids today.
I personally believe the most important and pertinant question that should be asked and answered first and foremost; who’s needs are really being addressed and served best in so many of these situations?
Does the actual child need this type of intervention, or is it a parent reflecting themselves and their conceptions onto another with some fairly unpleasant and counter productive ramifications that seldom justify the means and end.
How about giving each child the time tested non-intervention that has worked successfully for so many centuries and civilzations before us.
Simply supplying time and wide boundaries of self discover with some basic and rational limitations that have natural eye opening rewards and unsavory consequences attached.
How about the ability to test the limits and fail (even fail horribly), to endure the consequences of personal actions, instilling the resilience of moving forth and surviving, allowing maturity to happen at it’s own pace and aptitude growing one day at a time toward an assumed independent adulthood and the responsibilities it cast upon each of us eventually.
Some times the quiet, unassuming, misunderstood, and very best parenting skill, is the one of getting out of the way and allowing the dangerous and painful process of growth/maturity to happen without having to control every aspect of this treacherous, rampaging, juggernaut journey through childhood, through adolescence, and the great beyond.
If you take a child (or pretty much anyone for that matter) to someone paid well and has a stake in looking for a problem, and who’s job it is to find a problem, then don’t be surprised when this person is able to find one. It’s just human nature.
I am confused about the psych/kid discussion. Do you know who introduced the subject? Its puzzling to me that the doctor would decide independently that “today we are going to talk about” on a subject such as this.
Loved this post and your insights and descriptions of Rye’s reactions and worries. I am quite familiar with almost all of your thoughts….! Thank you for sharing this!
With regard to separation issues, its not an only child thing. I have four, and two of them had real difficulty with fears of this sort.
Post a Comment