Raising Bipolar

Well, wow, a lot has happened this week.

First, I got my test scores back from the standardized test I took for the teaching/grad school program to which I recently applied.  I studied relatively hard for the test as I was worried about passing and ended up scoring in the top 15% of all test takers in the past few years and got a nice certificate to say as much.   So, that was kind of cool.

Second, I got word that I was offered an interview with the program to which I applied and that I could go ahead and schedule that interview.  Now this was really exciting!  I have been waiting months and months to apply for this program and get this news!

At the same time all of this was happening, Rye was winding up and this culminated in a manic episode the likes of which I have not seen in months.  He was really up there and we ended up having to give him a few doses of Abilify to adjust him back down again as he was really suffering.   He missed some days of school and unfortunately missed the last days with the holiday party etc. but he did not seem to mind. I guess he was pooped and overdone and was ready to call it a holiday for the next few weeks.  The good news is the Abilify did help and he only needed it for 3 days to correct back down [note: Rye is extremely med sensitive so he is greatly affected by very small doses of meds] and he now back off of it and is doing well.  In fact, his good friend had a sleep over birthday party last night and so he went to that and I’m sure he is having a blast.

So, what to do now… what to do now.  I’d be ignorant to think that my news and excitement about the program I applied to and Rye’s emotional state were not related.   You see, the program is across the country from where we are now.  And while we are all very excited about the prospect of moving to said location, it turns out Rye is petrified of moving and also having me work full time and go to school.  It is all just too much change and stress at once.  He does not do well when I work full time, let alone tack school on top of it.  And in this case, there would be moving involved as well.   Now, Don working full time?  No problem.  But me doing it or me being gone for extended amounts of time for any reason for that matter always ends in huge anxiety on Rye’s part and subsequent emotional instability.

Knowing this, the question becomes what to do now.  It looks like I will not be interviewing with the program and I will have to put that on hold for a while.  And that’s sad for me because I can’t tell you how much I was looking forward to being a part of this program and having my own career back and being back in school (even though I already have a graduate degree but, hey, I love school) and being involved in something as meaningful as this program is – as it is a social advancement project that is doing great things in this country.

When all is said and done, though, it is most more important to me to have Rye be ok and feel secure and for him to be able to stay off of continual meds for as long as possible.   And he told me directly twice this week that it is really hard for him when I work full time and he really wants me to be at home.   So, I will stay home for now.  Or at least just teach part-time with a flexible schedule as I have been doing for now.  There is an immediate and direct correlation between Rye’s stress level and his emotional state and I have been reminded once again that I cannot ignore that or minimize it.  And actually, I am grateful that I am able to work part-time since Don works full time.  So, thank you Don for doing that!

Now, onward and upward.

The next two weeks will be really nice as we are on holiday and can really enjoy the time together and time with family.  Right after Christmas we head to New York, New York – City of Dreams – to visit family and friends we have not seen in a while and that will be great fun!

So as one door closes, a window opens.

I look forward to seeing what comes through that window.

[PS...and as a side note, I cannot stop playing that Lashisse video - that thing is so darn funny it makes me laugh out loud every time I watch it.  And the Brooke Shields Latisee one is just plain scary.  Why the heck on God's green earth would someone risk all of the side effects of Latisse just to have fuller eyelashes?  Crazy!]