Raising Bipolar

No, not Rye.

Me.

I tell ya, I’m pooped today.

Generally I’m a perky person.  A “cup half-full” person, if you will.  But man, today, not so much. I’m tired and need some “me” time and by this time of the day that I am posting (early evening), everyone in the house knows it and has left to find adventure elsewhere and let me regenerate in my bedroom – alone.

It all started like this.

I had a pleasant sleep but awoke abruptly and, quite frankly, much too early for my liking to my son’s face about 3 inches from my face asking me to get up now and hurry up because he found something on the internet he wanted.  And that’s usually trouble.  Usually this means he is fixated on something he wants and this process of him trying to get it can be tireless and draining if you don’t nip it in the bud.  To him, he wanted something and nothing on this planet was going to convince him that he shouldn’t have it right now. Except me, of course.  Because I was not in the mood.

So, knowing how this was going to go I got up and humored him for a bit.  I looked at the goods on the internet and said things like “Oh yes, that looks great” and  “oh wow, that is a good find and a good price.”

And then I lowered the boom.

Great though it is, no, we are not getting it.

There.  I said it.

Now, for those with bp kids, we all know this can be the kiss of death.  Bp kids hate the word no.  It can create all kinds of unreasonable responses in these kids.  And mine is no exception.  So, needless to say, he was not pleased.  And he pleaded on.  And on.  And on.  (Note to self: he would be a great salesman later in life because he really can be quite passionate and relentless about material items when he wants to be).

And because we’ve been down this road a time or two before and I didn’t want it to drag out all day (which, trust me, it has in days past when I didn’t have the honed skills I have today), I let him do his “post no” vent/plead for a minute or so more and then I engaged the tactic to end the drama and move on with the day.  This involved the following 2 steps:

1. Employ logic.

Believe it or not, these kids respond to logic.  Or, at least mine does – and I’m guessing from the popularity of the book “Love and Logic”  a few others do too.  Like many bp kids, my son cannot stand the word no, he does not like to be told what to do and he does not respond well to traditional forms of punishment.  He does, however, respond exceptionally well to logic and natural consequences – which is actually quite astute, if you ask me, since these are really the natural workings and consequences of life anyway.  So I told him, yes Rye that item looks great but we have no money right now to buy anything extra.  And this is true.   I explained to him that we have to pay the mortgage and I have to go to the grocery store if we want to eat and that leaves little money for much else right now.   I’m sorry but we just can’t do it.  And you know what?  He accepted that.  Because it makes sense.  And it’s real.  And he can identify with it and empathize with my situation in having to make that choice.

Now, that’s not to say that it ends there and that’s all there was to it.  Because you must also use the next step.

2. Redirect

Ok, the explanation is out there.  There is a mutual understanding between him and I (he and I?) that this item will not be purchased because it would be irresponsible to buy it.  But it doesn’t stop there because in Rye’s mind he is still fixated and can’t change gears until I help him.  So, I help him.  I come up with something else for him to do and think about.  Hey Rye, I say, dad is going to clean the gutters today so why don’t you go get the ladder (he loves working outside with dad) and set it up and see what he needs.  And there he goes.   He’s off and onto something else.

Now, it’s not always this easy.  And he will bring up the item again that he wants at some point, I guarantee it.  And maybe even again.  But this did the job for now and the more time that passes, the better. The key I have learned through years of dealing with this is to not argue, do not struggle for power, do not dig in your heels and do not try to “win”.  Just explain yourself logically, be firm, be reasonable, redirect, and move on.  And that we did.

But I will say, it can be tiring.  And it’s important for us moms to have time to ourselves to take care of ourselves and rejuvenate.

So, that’s what I’m doing now.

Sitting in my room posting, eating what I want to eat (which darn it, no thanks to Corey of Watching the Waters, is my newly found flavor of Haagen Daaz ice cream – chocolate peanut butter – it is crazy good.  And yes, I’ll eat the whole pint tonight if I want to, thank you very much), and soon I’ll be watching a girly movie alone without any sighs or comments from the peanut gallery.

Lovely, dreamy, so satisfying.

Sweet Dreams.